Sunday, November 27, 2011

Two Ladders

I have thought a lot about relationships over my recent years. It seems since I'm a single 36 year old, people ask if I'm dating or seeing someone... so relationships become a topic of conversation A LOT (which I find a little funny)... So lately I have thought about the type of relationship I would want to have...

I was raised by a single Mother who never remarried after she and my father split up. I watched a woman who, over time, learned how to be very much OK with herself as she learned to be "solo" in life. I have been asked if I feel the need to have someone there in my life... The truth is... I don't! As harsh as that may sound, it's true. I do not need someone there, to fill up space so I'm not alone. I actually find that quite limiting and even weak. However, do I sometimes feel lonely? Yes, I do... but not to the point where I feel like I'll solve that only to fill up the void. So No, I do not NEED a woman to fill the void. However, I have learned though, that I DO NEED and WANT a woman, not to fill the void, but to achieve ULTIMATE FULFILLMENT. I understand that alone, I can only get so far on my own, and I've learned how to be very happy alone...yet I do know that there are unattainable levels of existence on my own. To really reach ultimate fulfillment, a partner is necessary. That is the only type of "NEED" that I'll allow from myself... The need and want of a "Co-Creator"... An equitable and equal partner...

We all climb our ladders in life. Higher and higher we strive to climb, and how rewarding it is to shape and create in our lives. A healthy relationship (to me) is comprised of two people that are climbing their OWN ladders in life. Each having their own vision and purpose. I, as an individual, am climbing my ladder and building my life to be the best that it can be. She has been climbing her own ladder and doing the same as me. For two people to meet, fall in love, and choose to share their absolute best and most intimate with each other... then to unite in marriage (or any form of union)... THAT is the ultimate compliment one could ever give. To look at the other and truly be willing to share all that you have built yourself to be with another? To say "You, and only you, will receive all of me"...and to be given the same in return..? That is the ultimate...

How often do they start out that way, but then lives begin to blend together. Eventually the goals and aspirations of one, are overshadowed by the pressing needs of the other? There is nothing wrong with climbing off my ladder to help steady and support yours', as I would hope the same in return from you when I might need it. Yet, we both climb back onto our own ladders, and continue to pursue that which we want out of life.
How many times do we hear of one (more often women in our society) stepping off their ladder to steady their man's ladder... only to get lost over time, and never return to their own life's vision. The wife climbs off her ladder forever and ends up supporting her husband's career and then forgetting the things she loves. I understand that sacrifices are to be made for the family to function long term... Yet not at the detriment of one's life path and purpose. I believe it is possible to have both! Attend to who We are together, and still MAKE time to focus on ourselves as individuals.

I want to climb my own ladder higher and higher. I also want to look over at my wife's ladder, and see her enjoying her own climb. I want to watch her body move, as it is put under the task of her own mind and vision...(every and all insinuation FULLY intended and meant !! :) I want to share her vistas. To rejoice in her successes. I want to hold her and take her as mine, and to be held and taken in return!

TWO ladders are necessary! as are TWO people who individually know what they want! A choice to unite our lives, yet NOT at the detriment of who we are as individuals! I want to not only love the "US" (which is the YOU and ME...TOGETHER)...but I also want to love and celebrate the "YOU" that exists without me!

Friday, November 4, 2011

We choose OUR reality... on Rumors?

Our perception is our reality... We've all heard that statement before, yet is that even fair?
So many examples of a person reacting only on what they heard. Yet so many times, its incomplete, and certainly NOT the truth, or not the whole story. People make life altering decisions based on perception and assumptions, without even asking questions.
I recently had a situation where i was blamed for something that was actually innocent and simple. People pass it around, and embellish (just to add to the juicy factor), and then once it hit the ears of those that are and were actually involved...It was hurtful and so far away from the had the potential to really hurt and even destroy. Why does it only have the potential? Because those that are listening, can either chose to believe it or take a deeper look. When a story is thrown out there, it tends to be taken as truth, because someone knew someone that knew someone else. That is so unbelievable to me, that people will pass judgement on another based on gossip and hearsay. Loves are lost, people are judged, friendships parish, and pride quickly enters...walls go up, and if effort and action isn't taken to repair what was damaged.... Before you know it, life is changed forever, because of perception...rather than truth and reality. It could be small and silly things! For example.... A text isn't fully understood that way it was intended, and people make assumptions, and life s once again altered.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his New York Times best seller book: "The Four Agreements"... He writes to "Be impeccable with your word." So much to that agreement. I think it goes further in that we should recognize that most people aren't impeccable with their words, and we should be aware of it! Certainly before we are going to pass judgement and make decisions that will impact our lives, and lives of others based on something as silly as "He said, she said"....

People often times choose THEIR reality... rather than what is, in fact, REAL. Something is shared that isn't true and the reaction "Ready.., Fire.., Aim!!" That is what I have found is the most common reaction to something that was "heard"...

Here's what I say!!! I say TRUST THOSE YOU LOVE. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and defend them. If clarification is needed, then simply ask those involved, not those that "think" they know, and are just "yankin" for the sake of insecure attention because they heard something juicy. Rumors grow when they are given energy... "That which receives energy...GROWS!" Rumors and hearsay can be stopped quickly if they are simply not given merit or acknowledged. Being more "Impeccable with our Word" is something with which, we can all be better. :)

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts... Please jump in and share them and comment!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

"Consider The Lilies"

As my life moves further down the road, I've lived, I've learned, and even on occasion...I have loved. Interesting how as I get older and I look back behind me...The words of Lenny Kravitz come to mind: "I'm old enough to see behind me, and young enough to feel my soul." I very much feel that as I proceed through my 30's. The older I get, the more I feel like I have less need to control my world, but to let go and trust that God is TRULY at the helm, and is mindful of ME! The old idea of "consider the lilies" comes to mind as I write. The lilies are able to wholly rely on God to feed and nurture them as they stand and accept whatever comes their way...are we much better of different than they? The idea of being present in my life RIGHT NOW, instead of being so worried about the morrow. Live in the present, and fill your heart with gratitude is the recipe for a full life... "Take no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for things of itself..." (Matthew 6:34) I love that! Learn from my past, and live in the now. Love wholly, Live wisely, Be your BEST, and be grateful for it what it may. So maybe this is easier said than done and maybe even sounds like fantasy land,.... but when one pauses and truly feels the present, there is much more meaning in EVERYTHING! My invitation to all reading is to BE PRESENT AND GRATEFUL!! Life will mean more to you if you do! I can speak for myself, that this is the key to a beautiful life! Experiment for at least one day...being mindful of this entry... I would love to hear back from those reading as to how it goes!

Friday, June 17, 2011

You know something... share? or don't share!?!

Situation: You know something and have the upper hand in every way!!... Yet you are faced with the decision of swashing your adversary with it, or holding it in reserve, to never be known, or divulged. Which road would YOU take?...and more importantly...WHY?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Recent Dream...

I recently had a dream, and I woke from it with that feeling that I should write it down, and record it. This was the result of that writing. A poem that I have hesitated in sharing, yet decided today to throw it out there. I have such wonderful family and friends in my life that surround me with love and kindness... yet I do admit this topic wonders into my head from time to time, especially after a dream, such as the one this poem speaks of. Hope you enjoy:

I feel the weight of a dream, that was sent from the divine...
Where I'm holding a son, that I know is mine...
"With whom"? I ask, as I long for a reply,
Yet silence falls, and I'm left waiting....wondering... "why"?
Why can't I know whom this person will be...? The one who, in the end, will be standing by me.
Why have the heavens closed to the answer that I seek?
Why, Oh God, can't I just hear you speak?
And so I wait and I pray, for that still small voice...
Or maybe I'm wrong in asking...maybe it's completely my choice...?
Patience to be learned, and confusion still inside...
Yet I feel the weight of my dream, may I act, and not hide...!!

Would love to hear thoughts in return...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Masked Emotions

I was about 16 years old when I heard something from my Mother for the first time... I was in the middle of growing up, and dealing with emotions that I just didn't understand at the time. My Father was never around during a time when a boy needs guidance and direction to find his way...and I didn't understand what it meant to take responsibility for who and what I was. It was easier to be angry and blame what I felt on others or the situations that surrounded me. I was angry...very angry...and I didn't even really know why. Then my Mother said it... She asked me..."What are you afraid of?" Of course I didn't understand and sometimes we don't want to understand. We would rather just be angry and left alone. She pried her way through my barrier, and struggled to keep my attention, but persisted and held my attention. "Really Matt, What are you afraid of?... Anger is a form of fear. So what is it?" That was the first time I had even thought about what and how we deal with things. I've always been intrigued by objective thought, and the way my Mother seemed to be able to deal with things. Cause and effect. I felt angry, but what was the cause?... What was I afraid of? Could it be that I was afraid of having to take responsibility for myself? That I could no longer blame my life on what my Father did, or did not do? Did I have to actually face myself, and that is what I was afraid of? As I have experienced life and it's many emotions that come with it, I've often thought of that experience... Stopping and trying to analyze what is the root or cause of how I'm feelings.
There is always cause and effect, in everything in life... However the interesting part is our own tendency to not accept that we might be causing the emotions that we experience. Most emotions are reactionary to protect ourselves to avoid blame. We naturally don't like thinking that we are in error, so we react with emotions that are designed to self protect. For example..."hate"... A very insightful quote that was submitted just recently via this blog was:
"Dissect hate and you'll find that it's nothing more than love wearing shields and armor..."
(Tiyu Zafu)
Think about that... Hate is the protective emotion. Jealousy is really fear of losing someone. Anger is really fear, masked to protect and divert blame. Hate is only love wearing a shield.

I often hear..."I can't help it... it's just the way I feel." That is a simple choice to ignore our own responsibility. We really can be in control of our
emotions... in fact it's better to not feel the emotion at all, than to have to force one's self to "control" something that is a reaction to...what? Negative thinking! It has been said that "thoughts are things"...and that "every negative thought is something bad we put into our bodies"...We are what we think about..."As a man is he".
Thoughts CAN be controlled...negative emotions can be what I like to think of as "red flags" or warning signals that our thoughts need attention. It is much easier...when one feels anger, fear, anxiety or some other negative examine what one is thinking to generate that emotion...and change one's thoughts...or, as some would say, "change the channel to a different frequency". It is our thoughts, and the emotion generated by those thoughts, that trigger the Law of Attraction and attract more like thoughts.
"All stress is caused by one negative thought...gone unchecked...and then another and another..." That can be altered by just one positive thought...again...change the frequency.

Thanks Mum :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Be Still...

The illusion of reality. How many times have we all experienced things in our lives, and then ask...Is this real? Weather the experience is good or bad... The ability to distinguish the difference between things that just happen and actual reality...

You meet someone, they are nice and/or cute and attractive, and they show what they want to show you, and you begin to think that you know them because of what you were shown... Do you really ever know someone by only what they are willing "to show"... Is that real? No, it really isn't. I guess interaction needs to start somewhere, and as we begin to get to know someone, the surface must be seen, yet then, over time, the as layers are peeled back, the persons' real self begins to come through. Most times, people are very different to what they let on, or project. I've done this too, and have sometimes been proud of what I really am, and other times, I've not been proud of what I've been. Being real and genuine is a rare thing these days. Something I have thought about so much over this last year... My Mother once asked me who I am... and I responded with things 'I do'..."I'm a Public Speaker. I'm a Film Producer. I'm a provider." ... She stopped me, and pointed out... "those are things you DO... But who are you"? It made me think. Do i know myself enough to actually answer that honestly? Do i even know the answer at all? At times Ihave felt like I know, others I admit I haven't known at all. I see people that entertain themselves, and are always rushing here and there...with this person, and now with that person... Do people ever take the time to face themselves, and learn who they REALLY are?... Are people willing to admit what they really are? Am I? Are we able to be honest enough with ourselves? Maybe... I would say for the most part, people don't because there is soooo much in the world today to entertain our minds, and "keep us going". Being still is a rare thing.
"Don't be afraid of the still waters, for that is where it's the deepest" Fast rapids that are always "on to the next" are shallow and short lived!... let them go onto the next...
"Be STILL, and know that I am God" (D&C)...

These are the thoughts in my mind right now... People that are in my life, or even re-entering my life... fast and seemingly entertained by shallow things of no meaning, are not attractive to me, and conflict with my soul... Things of meaning and substance are of interest to me...
Not to ALWAYS be heavy-handed, and Yes...I can relax and have fun...But sometimes, those still moments, that feed my soul... I want them, and even need them!

I can be still, not HAVE to be entertained constantly, and be ok with the silence... That's me!!

I would love to hear comments and hear what others think of this topic. What it means to YOU to "BE STILL"...

Friday, March 4, 2011

New songs ahead... :)

I have been gone for quite some time now with work and a bit of personal travel... Fun to be out there and see the world, and all that it has to offer. A bit lonely at times, but still fun. The great people, the beautiful vistas, and of course the missing of home... which makes it that much better to finally walk into to my own home and feel of its stability and recharging affect that only "home" can bring. Michael Buble sings a song entitled "Home"... Singing of "Another summer day, Has come and gone away, In Paris and Rome, But I wanna go home.... May be surrounded by, A million people I, Still feel all alone, I just wanna go home, Oh, I miss you, you know"... I know what this feels like. I speak to thousands of people in my conferences and meet so many people out on the road...yet all to still feel alone. I admit that I isolate myself off a lot from people and am quite internal in my life. Few people know me, and in fact...most don't. I write this and it probably sounds like the beginnings of a "poor me" blog entry, yet in fact, its quite the contrary. Its an admission to the fact that I have liked it this way. To me, there has been peace and quiet in only allowing some people into my life and then keeping most out. Right or wrong...I don't know, but those people I do "let in"... I take care of them and want them to soar higher and higher. I do feel like I have a lot to offer as a friend and possible even partner.

A while ago I had a favorite song called "Perfectly Lonely" by John Mayer. "I'm perfectly lonely, yeah... Cause I don't belong to anyone, Nobody belongs to me"... Fine being just me (and my kiddos of course)...less drama, and easy to just do my own thing, and not worry about others... Things have changed as of lately, and the latter part of that song rings true to me now... "And this is not to say, There never comes a day, I'll take my chances and start again. And when I look behind, On all my younger times, I'll have to thank the wrongs, that led me to a love so strong"... That is me (at least right now...haha) It's awesome to believe that's possible.

Fun to think about the possibility of letting someone in, as long as it's right (for us BOTH)...and watch and feel it all come together. Don't want to feel the Michael Buble "alone" anymore... Hope not to forever... I didn't like the "John Mayer "Perfectly Lonely" either... On to new songs that might have a "I was made to love... YOU". That song sounds good to me! :) Haha, I guess we'll see, but I'm open to it, so much more than before.


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