Friday, November 4, 2011

We choose OUR reality... on Rumors?

Our perception is our reality... We've all heard that statement before, yet is that even fair?
So many examples of a person reacting only on what they heard. Yet so many times, its incomplete, and certainly NOT the truth, or not the whole story. People make life altering decisions based on perception and assumptions, without even asking questions.
I recently had a situation where i was blamed for something that was actually innocent and simple. People pass it around, and embellish (just to add to the juicy factor), and then once it hit the ears of those that are and were actually involved...It was hurtful and so far away from the had the potential to really hurt and even destroy. Why does it only have the potential? Because those that are listening, can either chose to believe it or take a deeper look. When a story is thrown out there, it tends to be taken as truth, because someone knew someone that knew someone else. That is so unbelievable to me, that people will pass judgement on another based on gossip and hearsay. Loves are lost, people are judged, friendships parish, and pride quickly enters...walls go up, and if effort and action isn't taken to repair what was damaged.... Before you know it, life is changed forever, because of perception...rather than truth and reality. It could be small and silly things! For example.... A text isn't fully understood that way it was intended, and people make assumptions, and life s once again altered.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his New York Times best seller book: "The Four Agreements"... He writes to "Be impeccable with your word." So much to that agreement. I think it goes further in that we should recognize that most people aren't impeccable with their words, and we should be aware of it! Certainly before we are going to pass judgement and make decisions that will impact our lives, and lives of others based on something as silly as "He said, she said"....

People often times choose THEIR reality... rather than what is, in fact, REAL. Something is shared that isn't true and the reaction "Ready.., Fire.., Aim!!" That is what I have found is the most common reaction to something that was "heard"...

Here's what I say!!! I say TRUST THOSE YOU LOVE. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and defend them. If clarification is needed, then simply ask those involved, not those that "think" they know, and are just "yankin" for the sake of insecure attention because they heard something juicy. Rumors grow when they are given energy... "That which receives energy...GROWS!" Rumors and hearsay can be stopped quickly if they are simply not given merit or acknowledged. Being more "Impeccable with our Word" is something with which, we can all be better. :)

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts... Please jump in and share them and comment!


  1. The written word is so much harder to interpret than the spoken word.

    When someone is talking to you they can read your body language, tone of voice, mannerisms... With the written word it is one dimensional so people tend to fill in their own version of the 'shading'. Usually they project their own issues where none were intended!

    Sometimes I think we give strangers the benefit of the doubt because they have no power to hurt us. Those we love are not granted the same courtesy out of fear- we are afraid that we will get hurt so at the first sign of possible injury we close them out and put up the walls. Very sad way to live...

  2. That is so true!! "the walls" tend to go up faster with those that have access to our hearts... Should be the opposite.

  3. Gossip will always be around, that´s apart of the devil´s plan.

    I stop caring along time ago about what others think about me, im not an example, dont want to be, cause im imperfect, Jesus, God, they´re examples, they´re perfect.

    Ask me!!! I always tell my family that, i will tell you the truth, if the gossip(bad thing i did) is true or not.

    Cause i think, i can lie to them and the rest of the world, but not to God, no sir, and in the end all truth will be known, until there many will soufer, i also know that, but that´s God´s plan.

    In the words of the Great Brandon lee,(and i know you are a big Martial Artist to.


    From Largueza with love...

  4. I just recently went through this hurt... "Communication" is the key... Go to that person and be a friend rather than somebody who you thought was your friend. Family should know better." Then it really get's confusing" Nobody really know's you, they don't take the time! We all have different situations we have to learn and face down here. Matt, I think you are great! This is happening to so many people. Thank you for sharing :) Gigi Evans

  5. Forgiveness By Sydni Masoncup To forgive is not to forget.To forgive Is really to remember,That nobody is perfect,That each of us stumbles When we want so much to stay upright, That each of us says things we wish we never said, that we can all forget that love Is more important than being right. That accepting another's flaws can help us accept our own and that we might soon need to be forgiven ourselves. :)

  6. a friendly banter.... Or just another perspective..;TRUST THE ONES YOU LOVE... Trust that they will, what? Live up to your (anothers') reality and expectations.... The only one to trust is yourself.. That you will in every moment, ask the question.. Is this true for me? If we are in relationship with one that does not hold this same vision... we may need to contemplate the spiritual awareness of each individual and if it shares a common purpose. Common, not implying the same. A favorite poem of mine, hopefully will help explain the "story" and if it is true or not.... ENJOY!

    It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
    I want to know what you ache for
    and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

    It doesn't interest me how old you are
    I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
    for love
    for your dreams
    for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
    I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
    if you have been opened by life's betrayals
    or have become shriveled and closed
    from fear of further pain.

    I want to know if you can sit with pain
    mine or your own
    without moving to hide it
    or fade it
    or fix it.

    I want to know if you can be with joy
    mine or your own
    if you can dance with wildness
    and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
    fingers and toes
    without cautioning us to
    be careful
    be realistic
    to remember the limitations of being human.

    It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
    is true.
    I want to know if you can
    disappoint another
    to be true to yourself.

    If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
    and not betray your own soul.
    If you can be faithless
    and therefore trustworthy.

    I want to know if you can see Beauty
    even when it is not pretty
    every day.
    And if you can source your own life
    from its presence.

    I want to know if you can live with failure
    yours and mine
    and still stand on the edge of the lake
    and shout to the silver of the full moon,

    It doesn't interest me
    to know where you live or how much money you have.
    I want to know if you can get up
    after a night of grief and despair
    weary and bruised to the bone
    and do what needs to be done
    to feed the children.

    It doesn't interest me who you know
    or how you came to be here.
    I want to know if you will stand
    in the center of the fire
    with me
    and not shrink back.

    It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
    you have studied.
    I want to know what sustains you
    from the inside
    when all else falls away.

    I want to know if you can be alone
    with yourself
    and if you truly like the company you keep
    in the empty moments.

    1. I love this poem - I have the book and many others from this series.

  7. Rumors. Wow. I’ve learned a lot of things about myself that I never knew just from hearing rumors. I honestly don’t have a clue how some of them even got started. I’m sure I haven’t heard half of what’s making the rounds. Probably for the best really.

    I’ve lost friends and jobs over what another person chose to believe about me from gossip. I’m a very private person (which I’m sure adds to some of the rumors), but if someone approached me, all they have to do is ask. I answer.

    I try to be optimistic and think the best about someone, reserving judgement until they’ve had a chance to defend themselves. In fact, oft times I’ll be their champion. I hope that I kill rumors or at the very least cause another person to think next time they are tempted to pass something on.

    Am I rare? I hope not.

    And how do you trust someone you love who is in fact behind many rumors because of the reality they chose?

  8. Perspective and reality! I have had this conversation so many times. And sadly but true YOUR perspective is your reality. Truth or not.

  9. I know this post is old, but I keep coming back to it. It's been on my mind all week. The part I keep going back to, is where you say "Trust those you Love".

    I absolutely think that if you were my family or loved one, I would definitely be inclined to believe what you say, and trust you, far beyond what some random person and what they think they know.
    However, how far does that go with family?
    I was once at a family event where someone started talking to me about another person and in the middle of their rant I stopped them and asked why they were sharing such information with me, because I wasn't interested someone's personal 'gossip'. This family member then sat there and tried to convince me that when you are among family, there really aren't any secrets and it really isn't considered gossip, because it's family.
    What is your take on that?
    I find that I feel a little stuck when it comes to family and loved ones sometimes because I know that I would trust their word over many others in most cases... But when it comes to family, I believe that gossip is still gossip. I'm not going to share my brother's life with my mother, my brother can do that. I find myself hesitant to speak about things that are personal with family because most families let it spread more quickly than those that are not family. I find I feel less safe with family, rather than more safe.
    Now don't get me wrong there are many family members and loved ones that I do trust. But on an overall basis, I still tend to keep to myself.
    Am I way off here? Is it just my family that can't keep their mouths shut? Or maybe I just notice it more because I despise gossip just that much. I feel like I can usually trust people when it comes to 'their life' but when it comes to mine, sadly that's harder.

    I like the response from 'Pollett Family' and Matt, your response back to them. I know I'm guilty of that more than I'd like to admit.

    I like the quote "Friends are family you make for yourself" Because it's usually only those few that I do trust. Maybe I need Therapy ;)
    Maybe I'm entirely missing your point, too. But I don't think I am.

    Thanks for your insight, your writing is inspiring!


  10. Missing your words and insights.... Blog more? ;)

  11. People rarely seek truth because it is easier to believe the lie. Trying to unravel a web of mistruths takes effort and time. Unfortunately in today's society no one wants to take the time. We have better relationships with our TV, phones, and computers. The funny thing about lies, rumors, and gossip is that it's done by someone who has something to hide themselves. They don't want others to see them for who they really are. Those that believe them and don't seek the truth is in reality showing who they really are.
    In the short time that I have been following your blog I have concluded the following (which has a point, I promise).

    You share just enough of yourself to leave your mark in this life but not the deepest part. You want to motivate and inspire others. You would prefer impact to be profound and in most cases you are able to do this in a short period of time upon meeting someone. Your busy mind keeps you moving forward reaching the next goal or dream. While you don't mind being in a large group of people you enjoy your time and space alone to think and process. You wish people were real and honest because that is who you are.

    I could be completely wrong and know nothing at all. But if I am right (being a stranger) know you better than whoever inspired your post. The point...they should have known better than to believe the lie.

    It might be 14 years of annual fair housing and sexual harassment training talking but perception is everything these days. No one cares about intent, sad but true.



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