Monday, May 31, 2010

Rambling thoughts?...Maybe,.. but it's my blog and my place to share... :)

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are a slave to your emotions"
:Elizabeth Gilbert

How true it is that we literally are what we think. As I travel on the emotional roller coaster that my life has become, it is comforting to know that I CAN control my emotions, and make choices which determine the outcome of my everyday life. It all starts on that which I choose to focus. That which receives energy...GROWS! I find it to be so difficult at times, to just let go of hurt and pain, and just allow myself to be ok. We tend to stick to that which we know and find familiar... Even if its misery, sorry, and chasing the circles of life.... Why do we do this? Perhaps because we become slaves to our emotions, which are governed by our thoughts, and we never get ahold of our thoughts as we should. I know I should adopt thoughts, and then habits, that allow me to live and feel happy. Lately, there is much that I question in myself. I spend a lot of time alone reading, meditating, and praying. I'm often criticized for it...being alone so much. Being still, listening,and learning is about "self-mastery (to me) and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your non-stop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise. Only from that point of even-mindedness"(Gilbert)... sound decisions are able to be made.

I have been reading a ton lately, and to those that know me... they know that I love to read and explore. I could be full of "it"...but I feel like I'm learning, and it's fun to share a few things...

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Is it possible to begin to feel... nothing? I've become so numb and empty, and it's been a difficult, and very odd week. Confussing time for me... Change is inevitable, and is always happening. I know that happyness and sorrow...coexist. But where does numb and empty fit in there? Does the emotional body ever just shutdown to disallow a total breakdown? I guess I don't know the answer to that... In an odd and somewhat dazed state...

"sufferring is the most powerful catalist for change, growth, and wisdom."

Hmmmm...but again, where does numb fit in...??
Whatever!!
Time for a change in paradigm...!! Badly needed!!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

In the great state of Georgia... Friendly folks, lush and green everywhere, and sunshine to boot! :-) No sleep last night, but it's going to be a great day? Thought of the day...?
"Everyone if us is always in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or heading for a crisis. It's part of our exsistance here on earth. Stay your course, be faithful, and focus nonetheless...."
The Noticer

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Kids weekend...

Went out last night... Just me and the Kids. Shopping and then dinner at The Mayan. Cliff divers, fun food, and three dorks (that would be US). :) Love them to death, and looking forward to a fun summer!

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I just spend some time with an angel... She has green eyes, and she warms my heart...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Road Trip... Grand Canyon

I had the last two weeks off, and just stayed home for most of it. During this last weekend, I went to the Grand Canyon. Very spontaneous road trip. I headed out on a drive and left Provo intending to "head out", but not knowing where... 11 hours later... I was standing on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. Just went alone, and stopped along the way at little shops, and lookout points...Lots of on my own time. Time to think and figure a few things out. There are things that happen in life, and you don't always know why. Hard to see through the darkness and uncertainty, and hard not to ask..."WHY"?
I guess not everything is supposed to make sense all the time. I guess thats what faith is... not being able to see everything, but trusting and believing. It was a good trip, and I took a stop on the way home in Lake Powell, where i stayed for a night, then came home...just in time for Mother's Day. Home to see my Mom, and siblings. Sometimes it's good to get away, and be alone with your thoughts. Refocus, recharge, and recenter a bit...then back to life,... pushing forward with renewed hope. The Grand Canyon, was a good place for me. Grateful for the trip!! Still very lost in some ways, but hopeful in others... :(

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