Friday, December 26, 2014

Older... The storm inside is beginning to dissipate.

The storm inside is beginning to dissipate and leave me.

"Spirit Of A Storm"

"There's a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I can't seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul

Oh, maybe it's just the way I am
maybe I won't ever change
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul"

Kenny Chesney (Lyrics)

This song use to speak to me so much, and represent what I often felt as a younger man.  I didn't understand it much and often was scorned (even shamed) for verbalizing my connection with this song.  Where this storm comes from and why it rages inside the hearts of men is not something to be ignored.  If the origin of his storm goes ignored, then the storm can cause such destruction and pain to himself and those around him.  This storm can even cause a man to throw EVERYTHING away, and bring even the most accomplished man to his knees (perhaps even to his own death)... The storms will rage inside until understood, accepted, and faced!  

Young boys are filled with such wonder and visions of grandeur.  There is no doubt in their minds and hearts that they WILL be a professional ball player, the astronaut, or The President.  Growing, dreaming, and BELIEVING in the greatness of life.  

The storm begins inside for every young man when something happens that teaches this boy that the world is not as he once believed it was... He is let down and so deeply wounded by this realization and he loses that childlike belief... He becomes less than he dreamed he would one day be.  

He spends his time fighting and slaying the dragons of life...thinking this will make him feel good enough.  The next promotion, then next woman, the next conquest....Searching for that feeling of being good enough, strong enough, and worthy again...  No matter what the accomplishment, he can't ever find that feeling of content satisfaction and peace.  

Some submit to a lives of settling...being "grown up" and forgetting childhood dreams...never dreaming again..."welcome to the real world" people say to him...Giving up on dreams long ago, and being told those are just "silly fantasies".  

Mid life... he realizes that his life is halfway over, and looks around seeing that "this is NOT what I had in mind"... Wanting to prove he's still "got it" and is still young...he takes rash measures and goes out and buys that sports car, perhaps even throws his life and family away for "the younger girl"...always reaching for those feelings of youth.  Clearly he will never find that youthful perception that was once his... "THERE'S A SPIRIT OF A STORM IN MY SOUL"...  It rages and rages on, and he will never know why...

I, I've just turned yet another year beginning to feel less of "the storm"...Is this what happens as we men get older?...wiser?...more calm?...  I've been to the circus and I've seen the strings...or the lies and the facade.  Do we finally begin to realize what's real, and what's a lie?  Do we begin to realize that most things are not what society wants us to believe?  I guess I am beginning finally see more for myself what is real (to me) and what is empty.  

I try to go and remember what I once knew as boy...I believed once in the goodness of people.  I believe once that I were worth it.  I forgave easily and loved quickly because that's the way I was made.  "Become as a little child"..."Get in touch with that inner child"... stop looking for happiness from an external source, and realize that I have everything I need inside this heart of mine to be complete and whole...  

I admit that sometimes that feeling of "the storm" comes back and flows heavily through my veins, and sometimes so ferociously way too real!!....but lately...not as much!  

Here's to getting older...hopefully wiser...and so much more calm!

What are your thoughts?  


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