Sunday, November 27, 2011

Two Ladders

I have thought a lot about relationships over my recent years. It seems since I'm a single 36 year old, people ask if I'm dating or seeing someone... so relationships become a topic of conversation A LOT (which I find a little funny)... So lately I have thought about the type of relationship I would want to have...

I was raised by a single Mother who never remarried after she and my father split up. I watched a woman who, over time, learned how to be very much OK with herself as she learned to be "solo" in life. I have been asked if I feel the need to have someone there in my life... The truth is... I don't! As harsh as that may sound, it's true. I do not need someone there, to fill up space so I'm not alone. I actually find that quite limiting and even weak. However, do I sometimes feel lonely? Yes, I do... but not to the point where I feel like I'll solve that only to fill up the void. So No, I do not NEED a woman to fill the void. However, I have learned though, that I DO NEED and WANT a woman, not to fill the void, but to achieve ULTIMATE FULFILLMENT. I understand that alone, I can only get so far on my own, and I've learned how to be very happy alone...yet I do know that there are unattainable levels of existence on my own. To really reach ultimate fulfillment, a partner is necessary. That is the only type of "NEED" that I'll allow from myself... The need and want of a "Co-Creator"... An equitable and equal partner...

We all climb our ladders in life. Higher and higher we strive to climb, and how rewarding it is to shape and create in our lives. A healthy relationship (to me) is comprised of two people that are climbing their OWN ladders in life. Each having their own vision and purpose. I, as an individual, am climbing my ladder and building my life to be the best that it can be. She has been climbing her own ladder and doing the same as me. For two people to meet, fall in love, and choose to share their absolute best and most intimate with each other... then to unite in marriage (or any form of union)... THAT is the ultimate compliment one could ever give. To look at the other and truly be willing to share all that you have built yourself to be with another? To say "You, and only you, will receive all of me"...and to be given the same in return..? That is the ultimate...

How often do they start out that way, but then lives begin to blend together. Eventually the goals and aspirations of one, are overshadowed by the pressing needs of the other? There is nothing wrong with climbing off my ladder to help steady and support yours', as I would hope the same in return from you when I might need it. Yet, we both climb back onto our own ladders, and continue to pursue that which we want out of life.
How many times do we hear of one (more often women in our society) stepping off their ladder to steady their man's ladder... only to get lost over time, and never return to their own life's vision. The wife climbs off her ladder forever and ends up supporting her husband's career and then forgetting the things she loves. I understand that sacrifices are to be made for the family to function long term... Yet not at the detriment of one's life path and purpose. I believe it is possible to have both! Attend to who We are together, and still MAKE time to focus on ourselves as individuals.

I want to climb my own ladder higher and higher. I also want to look over at my wife's ladder, and see her enjoying her own climb. I want to watch her body move, as it is put under the task of her own mind and vision...(every and all insinuation FULLY intended and meant !! :) I want to share her vistas. To rejoice in her successes. I want to hold her and take her as mine, and to be held and taken in return!

TWO ladders are necessary! as are TWO people who individually know what they want! A choice to unite our lives, yet NOT at the detriment of who we are as individuals! I want to not only love the "US" (which is the YOU and ME...TOGETHER)...but I also want to love and celebrate the "YOU" that exists without me!

Friday, November 4, 2011

We choose OUR reality... on Rumors?

Our perception is our reality... We've all heard that statement before, yet is that even fair?
So many examples of a person reacting only on what they heard. Yet so many times, its incomplete, and certainly NOT the truth, or not the whole story. People make life altering decisions based on perception and assumptions, without even asking questions.
I recently had a situation where i was blamed for something that was actually innocent and simple. People pass it around, and embellish (just to add to the juicy factor), and then once it hit the ears of those that are and were actually involved...It was hurtful and so far away from the had the potential to really hurt and even destroy. Why does it only have the potential? Because those that are listening, can either chose to believe it or take a deeper look. When a story is thrown out there, it tends to be taken as truth, because someone knew someone that knew someone else. That is so unbelievable to me, that people will pass judgement on another based on gossip and hearsay. Loves are lost, people are judged, friendships parish, and pride quickly enters...walls go up, and if effort and action isn't taken to repair what was damaged.... Before you know it, life is changed forever, because of perception...rather than truth and reality. It could be small and silly things! For example.... A text isn't fully understood that way it was intended, and people make assumptions, and life s once again altered.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his New York Times best seller book: "The Four Agreements"... He writes to "Be impeccable with your word." So much to that agreement. I think it goes further in that we should recognize that most people aren't impeccable with their words, and we should be aware of it! Certainly before we are going to pass judgement and make decisions that will impact our lives, and lives of others based on something as silly as "He said, she said"....

People often times choose THEIR reality... rather than what is, in fact, REAL. Something is shared that isn't true and the reaction "Ready.., Fire.., Aim!!" That is what I have found is the most common reaction to something that was "heard"...

Here's what I say!!! I say TRUST THOSE YOU LOVE. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and defend them. If clarification is needed, then simply ask those involved, not those that "think" they know, and are just "yankin" for the sake of insecure attention because they heard something juicy. Rumors grow when they are given energy... "That which receives energy...GROWS!" Rumors and hearsay can be stopped quickly if they are simply not given merit or acknowledged. Being more "Impeccable with our Word" is something with which, we can all be better. :)

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts... Please jump in and share them and comment!


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