Sunday, November 27, 2011

Two Ladders

I have thought a lot about relationships over my recent years. It seems since I'm a single 36 year old, people ask if I'm dating or seeing someone... so relationships become a topic of conversation A LOT (which I find a little funny)... So lately I have thought about the type of relationship I would want to have...

I was raised by a single Mother who never remarried after she and my father split up. I watched a woman who, over time, learned how to be very much OK with herself as she learned to be "solo" in life. I have been asked if I feel the need to have someone there in my life... The truth is... I don't! As harsh as that may sound, it's true. I do not need someone there, to fill up space so I'm not alone. I actually find that quite limiting and even weak. However, do I sometimes feel lonely? Yes, I do... but not to the point where I feel like I'll solve that only to fill up the void. So No, I do not NEED a woman to fill the void. However, I have learned though, that I DO NEED and WANT a woman, not to fill the void, but to achieve ULTIMATE FULFILLMENT. I understand that alone, I can only get so far on my own, and I've learned how to be very happy alone...yet I do know that there are unattainable levels of existence on my own. To really reach ultimate fulfillment, a partner is necessary. That is the only type of "NEED" that I'll allow from myself... The need and want of a "Co-Creator"... An equitable and equal partner...

We all climb our ladders in life. Higher and higher we strive to climb, and how rewarding it is to shape and create in our lives. A healthy relationship (to me) is comprised of two people that are climbing their OWN ladders in life. Each having their own vision and purpose. I, as an individual, am climbing my ladder and building my life to be the best that it can be. She has been climbing her own ladder and doing the same as me. For two people to meet, fall in love, and choose to share their absolute best and most intimate with each other... then to unite in marriage (or any form of union)... THAT is the ultimate compliment one could ever give. To look at the other and truly be willing to share all that you have built yourself to be with another? To say "You, and only you, will receive all of me"...and to be given the same in return..? That is the ultimate...

HOWEVER!!!
How often do they start out that way, but then lives begin to blend together. Eventually the goals and aspirations of one, are overshadowed by the pressing needs of the other? There is nothing wrong with climbing off my ladder to help steady and support yours', as I would hope the same in return from you when I might need it. Yet, we both climb back onto our own ladders, and continue to pursue that which we want out of life.
How many times do we hear of one (more often women in our society) stepping off their ladder to steady their man's ladder... only to get lost over time, and never return to their own life's vision. The wife climbs off her ladder forever and ends up supporting her husband's career and then forgetting the things she loves. I understand that sacrifices are to be made for the family to function long term... Yet not at the detriment of one's life path and purpose. I believe it is possible to have both! Attend to who We are together, and still MAKE time to focus on ourselves as individuals.

I want to climb my own ladder higher and higher. I also want to look over at my wife's ladder, and see her enjoying her own climb. I want to watch her body move, as it is put under the task of her own mind and vision...(every and all insinuation FULLY intended and meant !! :) I want to share her vistas. To rejoice in her successes. I want to hold her and take her as mine, and to be held and taken in return!

TWO ladders are necessary! as are TWO people who individually know what they want! A choice to unite our lives, yet NOT at the detriment of who we are as individuals! I want to not only love the "US" (which is the YOU and ME...TOGETHER)...but I also want to love and celebrate the "YOU" that exists without me!

25 comments:

  1. Once again you've got us thinking outside the box!

    I must admit that I've never thought of a marriage relationship as two separate lives living under the same roof. Call me old fashioned but when I married my husband 11 yrs ago, I couldn't wait to change my name! ;-) All I ever wanted was to get married and have children and support my man. That used to be the norm but in our ever evolving society women feel the need for more importance. I married this amazing man who is constantly encouraging me to try new ventures, I like to write he said start a blog, so I did... I love to share new ideas with women, he said write your ideas down and teach them, so I did! I love child birth and think every woman should have the ultimate birth experience so I asked him what would you think if I became a "birth doula" he said "go for it!" I said all of that to say this. My husband and I share a "ladder" we live in the same home and support the others goals. We married young (19 yrs old!) we started our family young, and I must admit that there have been times when I felt that I needed more to make my life fulfilled but I never felt that I needed my own ladder per say. I love being a stay at home Mom and wouldn't trade it for the world, I don't feel that I need anything else anymore. But just when I began to feel that way an opportunity of a life time came my way and my husbands advice was basically "grab it with both hands babe!" I love that about him, he pushes me out of my "comfort zone" on a regular basis! When a woman marries, she shouldn't feel that she loses herself to her man but rather joins him in the "climb". Marriage was intended to bring enrichment to both partners lives. No one person is meant to make all the sacrifice, marriage is a constant compromise. When I married I didn't feel that I was giving up anything, but gaining a life time companion. I could be alone and have my own space but I didn't like who I was alone, I love who I am by his side. Mat 19:5 says "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?" I believe we are meant to never be two separate individuals again, and I love the thought of never having to climb life's ladder alone again.

    Thanks for another inspiring read Matthew! I love it that when I read your blog my thinking is challenged!

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  2. I had to read this several times.....you've actually wrote something I am trying to put into thought myself. It actually brought tears to read what I've wanted for so long. This is very personal for me and what I'm going through now.
    I totally believe that each individual should achieve all that they can be. But to do that, they need encouragement from the start (childhood).I'm especially hoping you are encouraging your daughter that she can accomplish anything. I am finally getting my chance to climb,but,anger and trying to let go of bitterness makes that climb a little harder. It's much more fun when someone you are simpatico with "watches" and encourages you too. I would like to add that the ladder might occasionally have a link or bridge where we can join others to help them along their way....teamwork or a marriage.
    I wish I could write my thoughts as well as you have,but I'm more of a conversation type of gal.So much I have to say but I can't put into words.
    Not alot of guys "get it". No wonder people ask about your relationships....

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  3. @Matthew: I wasn’t going to comment, but after pondering your words for awhile I find they are a good expression for many of my own thoughts. Succinct and well put.

    I am nearly thirty-two and single. (Yes, I said that out loud and online.)

    I am me. I am happy.

    Sure I get lonely and would like someone around sometimes. Especially when I would like to go dancing. Or when I realize I am going to have to freeze most of that [enter something delectable here] that I just made even though I cut the recipe. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t desire companionship.

    Even when I don’t feel it foremost, I am happy. I have goals and aspirations. I have hobbies. I’m creative and musical. I am active in my church, in volunteering, in my pursuits, and in living. Sometimes it may seem to others as though I’m waiting for life, but I am also, sometimes to a fault: practical, possess integrity, loyal, reliable, and logical. I am who I am and I live my life. When marriage enters the picture I have no intention of setting me aside. Unless a woman knows who she is, what she wants, and is on firm ground herself how can she ever expect to help another (husband, children, friends) climb their ladder without losing herself?

    I attend a very family oriented church. The culture, not the religion, has grown to sometimes leaving singles feeling like there is something wrong with us because we are still single. Members try to convince me that I’m not “trying hard enough” to get married. Being married doesn’t define who I am though. It’s not my end goal. Hearing Christ tell me, “Well done, good and faithful servant; ...enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:23) is a better description of my end goal than just simply getting married.

    Do I avoid it? No. But I’m not going to go out of my way and throw myself at someone just to reach an ideal people have in their head about how I should live my life. My little sister married an image she had created only moments after meeting him. Her husband has convinced her that for them to truly be one she needs to think and act and be like him. They must climb his ladder, she must be at the bottom and her dreams mean nothing anymore. So she has given up all of her dreams and is truly miserable.

    I have seen too many marriages fail to settle for anything less than an equal. Someone to love and support and who will do the same for me. Marriage isn’t an end. Marriage should allow a person to reach further and be better than they could be on their own. Supplement, not erase who they are.

    Happy single women do exist. We aren’t a myth. :)


    @Naomi: Based on what you said, I think you could envision Matthew’s two ladders quite easily in your marriage. Slid them side by side and climb together! You have interests separate from your husband (so you’re on your own ladder) yet you fully support and challenge one another and climb as one.

    It’s hard for two people to share the same ladder, they rarely are built wide enough. ;) If there was only one ladder, we could never be equal as one would always be above the other. It’s better to slid them together, reach out a hand and help lift one another than to climb alone.

    Two ladders side by side, anchored together, are invariably stronger than two separate ladders. Being individuals and still being together.

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  4. This is a topic that really hits home for me. My parents were married for 27 years and my mom lost sight of her goals and ambitions to follow my dads. She led kind of a sad life. She loved being a mom, but not having anything of her own weighed on her. And then one day my dad left her. And after 27 years of being his wife and our mother, she didn't know what to do. All the children but me, we're grown and away. And she had to start over. I watched how scary that was for her. She didn't have a college education. She had once been a beautician but had given it up for her family. She was left with no road map. No idea what to do next. She was able to find a job taking care of mentally handicap children. And discovered that she loved it. It gave her joy. She's now 58, re-married, and still taking care of those children. She loves them. And she's now in a marriage with two ladders. :)
    I've seen what the need for companionship can do. My sister desperately wanted to be married and have children. But her need seemed to rule everything. And now she is married, and she has two beautiful children. But she has no ladder. She lost herself in the persuit of what she thought would complete her.
    This topic applies to my life as well. I got married young. Because I wanted someone in my life. A husband. I had great goals and ambitions. We got married and I was supposed to go to college. But I found out I was pregnant. So I withdrew from college and decided to be a mom. After having my second child, I realized that I needed something outside of my home. Being a mom is the greatest gift I could ask for. I didn't want to miss their lives, but I wanted my own. So last year I started my own business. And it's been a big learning process for all of us. Especially between my husband and I. It was hard at first, until he started to notice the change in my attitude and demeaner. I'm happier. More energetic. Full of more life. I get to work from home, and still be a full time mom. I get to have the best of both worlds. :)
    I completely understand your position. My eldest sister is 36 and she's starting to learn this lesson. She has a son and is divorced. After dating a string of idiots, she's discovering she doesn't need a man. And now she's trying to learn how to just be happy on her own.
    I applaud you. There's nothing wrong with being happy on your own. I think that will make you a better partner when you do decide to share your life with someone.
    I know of couples who are so dependent on eachother that they can't even be away from eachother for even a day. Not that there's anything wrong with this. But what would happen if that person wasn't there anymore. It's taking trial and error, and a lot of tears and frustrated moments, for my husband and I to get to where we are in our marriage. We have our life together, but we both also have our lives apart. We love to spend time together. But we're perfectly fine spending time away from eachother. I've been accused of not loving my husband enough because if he wants to go on a week long hunting trip, I'm fine. Or if I go on a business trip, we're both okay with it. Do I miss him? Of course! Am I excited to see him again? Absolutely! But our hearts don't break to be away from one another. Our marriage started on one tight ladder and has moved to two,
    Thank you for all of your insights. You make the brain work. And I like that. :) I look forward to reading your posts because they always bring new perspective.

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  5. Wow, I never thought of it that way, the analogy of two ladders is really awesome. I understand what you mean when someone loses vision of their life aspirations to support the others. Like you said it shouldn't be a permanent state just a temporary support system. This was very insightful and gave me a different prespective on relationships and how it should not only enrich a union but also enrich the individual. Thanks for the prespective :)

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  6. Your ladder image is very insightful. My image is of me and my husband riding off into the sunset on two separate horses. Much of the terrain will be similar as we travel, but we are both responsible for our own journey. I may choose to give my partner the reins for a while as i rest. We may feed and water each others horses sometimes, but ultimately its still my own horse and journey. I will ride by his side, not in front or in back for any extended period of time. We may meander and explore on our own, but I always want my husband within my sight and vice versa. We can warn each other of dangers and share beautiful vistas. I can marvel at his daring accomplishments, never feeling less because I have my own horse for my own adventures. And if by chance he is taken from me and I must finish the journey alone, I can. I have my horse and my goals and ill meet back up with him on the other side of the sunset. There is no fear in living alone when you have your own horse. And life without fear is true freedom and peace.

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  7. Hmmm.... This is quite interesting. I gotta admit, I was shocked to see a man like you with these kind of views on relationships. Most of the christian men want a wife that will forget all her dreams and just follow his and stay home and raise the kids. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you take away the kids and the husband you are left with an empty shell of a person. As for the unchristian guys... well the majority of them just want a physical relationship. As soon as they're done with you they move on. Sad but true.
    So since you're not in any of those categorys I guess your mother raised you very well.

    Though I do have some questions, just out of curiosity. I noticed you mentioned in your bio that you have two children. Where are they in this picture? Meaning, do they have a say in this matter or is this all up to you. And if that special someone comes along, and you two click and everything is going good, but your children don't quite like her, will you end that relationship or hope that with time they will grow to like her? When you meet someone, and if you're considering her, are you also considering how she would be with your children? Again, please don't freak out, I'm just curious of your answer.

    Nadia

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  8. Nadia, My children are a MAJOR factor in whether or not I would join my life with a woman. My Father went on later (after my Mother) to marry a woman that myself, and siblings, didn't like. We were expected to eventually get along with our new step mother, and so consequently...we stopped coming to spend time with our Dad. I won't ever do that to my kids! Lose them for a woman. MY children are my heart and soul. They are me and I am them... Before I would ever introduce a woman to them, she would have to be pretty special and be a woman that would match US (as a family). If my judgement is off, then time has a way of showing all of us, things that we may not have seen before. I am a fan of long courtships, and seeing someone in "all four seasons" is very important to me. It teaches you who you are really dealing with... My children are extremely respectful and were raised to be so, and have been very polite to the very few that I have brought around... yet their opinion matters in OUR family. What's not right for them, isn't right for me since they ARE me, and I AM them.
    It's a WE thing! Lol :)

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  9. That's awesome to hear. Seriously. The reason I asked is because when I was 16 years old my mother passed away from cancer. A year later my father remarried to a woman with two children, one was my age, the other one 2 years younger. My dad always said he remarried for my sake, so I would have a mother figure in my life, but what he didn't think about is that we were so different, we were not able to live under the same roof. So after almost 4 years of misery and tension and arguments, I moved out.

    The fact that your children are so important to you plays a big role. And I pray that God will bless you with a woman that will respect that, treasure that, and truly make your family a whole one.

    It's amazing to hear that men like you and that kind of thinking are still out there. Many blessings!

    Nadia

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  10. Thank you thank you thank you for loving your children more than yourself!
    My father remarried when I was 12 to a woman none of us liked. And she didn't like as all that well either. And because the father of her children was a deadbeat, she expected my dad to raise her kids. She was always angry when he would spend time with us. And as a result, I saw my father less and less. That's a hard thing for a young girl. As a result I was never able to have a relationship with my father. After 10 years he divorced that woman and found his way back into my life. For that I am blessed.
    It fills my heart to know there are fathers out there that will put their children's life and happiness above their own. Because your right. It's not just you, it's all of you. You are a wonderful father.

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  11. Hi Mr. Reese,
    I did not know anything about you until I watched the movie "Beauty and the Beast - A Latter-day Tale". Then I kinda searched the profile of the cast. Thanks for this post! I am very impressed by the way how you thing of relationship. I feel the same way as so many people ask me a lot about getting marriage because I am still single! I admire when guys are willing to state how they feel about relationship even which may not be agreed by the society. I really like the way you think! Of course my writing is not as good as yours, but I also have a blog that I like to write about how I feel my status and and life!
    I am inspired a lot by your post!
    Denis~

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  12. Hey... I've never been much of a responder, but definitely a reader here =D

    First off, I'd like to say that I adore all of your work and can't get enough of it. It's like having a favorite author, and sitting at the edge of your seat waiting impatiently for their next book to come out - They just don't seem to write fast enough! Your work is brilliant and I look forward to more.

    Anyway, I really like your thoughts on marriage and 'Two Ladders' - I agree!
    What struck a nerve with me here though - A GOOD Nerve- (There are Good nerves, Right?)is the talk about being a father and wanting your children to be happy with someone you might meet.
    A lot of people have sad stories about one of their parents remarrying and I hurt for them when I hear about it because I was really blessed in this area.
    My mother divorced her first husband because of alcohol and physical abuse,and because of it we spent the first few years away in hiding because he was searching for us to kill us. He has been in & out of jail ever since.

    My mom, being single with not a penny, became manager of a fast food joint trying to support us kids. A few years after the divorce she 'accidentally' met a guy through a friend. She was SO nervous and afraid to like him because of her two kids. She, Like you, put us first in her decision. She realized this man had to fit "US"... just like you stated. She spent TWO years letting us get to know him before they even thought about marriage and planned a wedding. This new man, told my brother and me, that he loved US more than ever, because, and I quote him "Anyone can get married and have babies, but you two kids, I CHOOSE you. I am hand picking you out of the whole world and I will always love you."

    This man spent the next years introducing us to all sorts of new things, and we did it all together. This man became our best friend before he became our father. We, as kids, felt like we were better, happier and more complete with him in our lives. When he was away, we missed him. He made his wife his Jewel, and his new children his favorite little friends. We were our own new unit, a special sort of family. But my mother put him through a two year wringer before he 'passed the test' And quite honestly I believe that's the way it should be.
    So when I look at you and your words I smile, because you are doing just want my mother did, and the results of that... Well... Those results can give you a brand new life, with a whole new meaning. I really think you have a great future ahead of you, and your children will Thank You when they are older, and see what you have done for them.

    Right on, Matthew - RIGHT ON!

    -Katie

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  13. YOU have been given so much wisdom and insight....don't waste it, "ACT" upon it and let all your words of wisdom become the "TRUTH" that you
    live (ACT) your life by.

    Time passes too quickly , as inspiration flows through you. "trust" it and "act" upon it....................could be the answer to living a very happy life :)

    ....whoso believeth in God might with a surety hope for a better world...which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.... ether 12:4

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  14. Mr. Reese, I like your 'two ladders' analogy. I also think the 'shared ladder' analogy is true for some of us. This is in no way a criticism of anything posted here by anyone. Since none of us were born to be categorized I think it's important to note that there is no right/wrong way to live your life as long as you are being true to yourself. Which for you Mr. Reese is, at least in part the "two ladders" analogy and for another is the "shared ladder" analogy; both are beautiful.
    To some of the readers posting here: It doesn't matter if the culture you grew up in or live in is telling you you have to live your life a certain way or you're not good enough, even if the statement is implied. You were put here to live YOUR life no one elses. That means finding what makes you happy. And the things that make you happy are very much tied into your divine purpose so, to me, it makes sense to go after those things. Has it occurred to more people that not all of us were meant to be married? And that's not a tragedy. It doesn't make you less of a woman or less of a man. It makes you you. It makes you the most talented and gifted and beautiful you that has ever been in existence.
    I've read many of the posts from the readers and been in some of their shoes. And I can only say that I was never happy as long as I was sacrificing my Divine Purpose in an effort to make someone else happy(i.e trying to feign interest in marriage when I knew I was meant for something else that would bring even greater blessings to myself and the world). Pleasing others is not synonymous with being true to yourself. Likewise marriage is also not synonymous with happiness unless it's part of your divine purpose. When you are true to yourself, when you learn to love yourself unconditionally abundance will come effortlessly. And abundance encompasses everything you will ever need or want in life. Love never stems from fear or jealousy or hate or envy. Love never flourishes in self-doubt, insecurity, mis-trust, or ego. Love stems from love. We are only as great as we allow ourselves to be. We are only as loveable in the eyes of others to the extent that we truly love ourselves; perfections, imperfections and all. ~Remembering our perfection just as we are and still room for improvement.~ May each day be better than the last.
    Namaste
    P.S. Mr. Reese I like your work. :)

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  15. I just wanted to say that I enjoy your music and your healthy perspective on relationships. I first saw you in "Belle and the Beast" and was curious to learn more. How wonderful that your children are the most important people in your life. I wish you all the best and many blessings as you continue your personal and professional journey and follow your passions.

    Take care,
    Erin

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  16. Nice to see that men do exist who are not needy and smothering after they have been divorced and single for sometime! YEH!

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  17. I think what you had to say earlier about your children was very true. I am a single mom to an incredible 10 year old who amazes me everday that I live with her. I have never in all of her 10 years introduced her to anyone. I have limited the amount of times I go out and whom I go out with. I would never want to introduce her to someone until I felt she is ready. It is a package deal and I wouldn't want to take the chance of a relationship not working out and her being put into the crossifire so to speak. It would be hurtful to her to get attached to someone and then for things not to work between myself and the other person. She is a very well adjusted spirit who enjoys her life as the two of us. In all honesty, I guess I just feel that sometimes you can be happy with just yourself and your children as they grow up pretty quickly and one day you want have these times with them. Then maybe it becomes more of a time to think about making a life with someone else. As someone who is divorced, I know also what is like to give up your dreams of who you are to basically follow someone around the country almost like a nomad. Giving up your family, friends, and career is a place I would never choose to be in again. I found a peace and a freedom to do things with my life that have allowed me to financially provide for my daughter and myself and for that I'm very thankful. It hasn't been easy because she has had some medical issues that have required a few surgeries but it has made us more of a team than probably a lot of parents ever are with their children. I'm even greatful for those moments of time with her. I think the idea of being there to support each other is sometimes so forgotten in society today. Women do give themselves to easily to allow their husbands/boyfriends to go to school while they support them. Many times they are left behind after he reaches his full potential and they have nothing to fall back on. I am trying to instill in my daughter that she can do anything she sets her mind to do and that I will never give up on her and that she should never give up her dreams for someone else because in the end, she has been given certain talents and gifts she hasn't even realized yet and to not find those parts of herself would be a waste to what she can not only give to herself but what she might be able to give to the world. Anyway, I really liked your post. Thanks for sharing that thought.

    Lisa

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  18. I agree with the comment regarding two individuals having different ladders when single and dating. It's important that 'he' be happy with himself and that 'she' be happy with herself before entering into a relationship with another. It's not his responsibility to make her happy or vice versa. GOD makes one happy.
    However, I disagree with the comment regarding two separate ladders once married.

    I believe those two individuals become "ONE" once married in every way. It's no longer two teams, but one team...with one goal. I believe both of their former ladders are merged together and become "ONE" big ladder. Granted, this ladder is much thicker and stronger now, but the two can continue climbing it together, even though their climbing is somewhat differently. They should not lose sight of each others goals or each others need for the other. This merger shouldn't be a painful experience; but, rather a beautiful "ONE" with a smooth and harmonious transition for both (and no..I'm not thinking along the lines of smothering each other or being dream killers for each other either).

    In closing, I believe that if she is only focused on herself ('her' ladder and 'her' needs and doesn't properly take care of him and his needs or care for others in general) and vice versa, there's bound to be trouble in paradise. Without caring for each other, unfortunately, that's when the "D-word" rears its ugly head, comes into conversations and division occurs in relationships. Again, my belief is that it has to be ONE ladder and although two can climb it differently, both have to be on the same page (and respectful of each others needs--fulfilling their GOD given purposes together). Amen {:-)

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  19. I love the movie 'BELLE AND THE BEAST' and had never heard of it before. I came upon it by doing a keyword search for 'Romance' DVD movies at my local library. After reading the synopsis, I desperately wanted to see it.

    'BELLE AND THE BEAST' is now my favorite movie and I'll definitely share with others. It's clean, family-oriented, wholesome, and very realistic. It shows a wonderful transformation of a man who experienced some life-altering changes and how he experienced difficulty in dealing with 'life' in general. This also happens all too often in real-life where people can't cope, they resort to drugs, alcohol or others vices, and eventually hate and/or blame GOD. A beautiful and wonderful woman enters his life because of a mishap..and you'll have to watch it and see the rest for yourself. PLEASE watch it and encourage others to do the same. Go out and purchase it if you love and enjoy it even half as much as I do. I will definitely purchase this one. It's a keeper!! I've already seen it seven times and it still makes me smile.

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  20. Mr. Reese, I have shared this blog quite a few times and it has brought me joy to share words I have always felt. Unfortunately, my exploration to find this has led to multiple break-ups and a divorce. So... Thank you for sharing. I can almost hear your voice speaking this right to me. Something that has struck me, however, is that... Someone mentioned a single ladder but I don't believe that; The two ladder theory rings perfectly. What I want to know is... The distance between the ladders. Yes, I love my independence, my alone time, and my travel... But just what if... that person you find... their ladder is just an inch from yours? I don't believe the ladders should be so far apart that clarity becomes dulled, that love becomes feeling and when feeling is gone so is love. What if he is on the same step on his own ladder holding my hand across whatever measure of close distance? Or what if our lives compliment each other? And what if they drive "US" to be better, more, amazing...? Could ULTIMATE FULFILLMENT be a daily event with a soulmate? (Granted, each facet of your life grants a soulmate of a different face). I just hope that I have the time to stand stoic on the whatever-step of a ladder-without-limits and see the person climbing next to me. Thank you for the reminder! Wisdom & Grace

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  21. Dear Matthew,
    Seeing this is nearly two years from when you originally posted this, I don't even know if you would see this... with that being said I will go on to say this...

    What the Lord showed me is that we may start out on our own journey through life. When we meet the one He has for us, we have met our completion of our individual journey and become one. It is no longer "his life" and "her life" but "our life" with Christ. God has a perfect plan laid out for us all before we were ever born. This includes our spouse. I love the scripture in Psalm139:16 - Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

    As we submit to God's will for our lives, everything will fall into place. It may not look the way we "planned" but His plan is much greater than ours could ever be! God saw Adam in the garden and said it was not good for man to be alone. I know scripture can be taken way out of context but I do believe a woman was created to complete a man. God desires unity and there is no closer union (other than our union with our Father through Jesus Christ) ever created than that of a husband and wife. When we get married, we are coming together to serve the Lord in whatever capacity that He has planned... whether it be to raise godly children, become the president of the U.S., a pastor, a teacher, a missionary, or a garbage collector. Whatever it is that God has put us on this earth for... marriage is meant to bring two people closer to God. It is no longer "yours" and "mine" but ours. Together we work through life with one goal... to accomplish God's purpose. 1 Peter 1:17-19

    God bless you abundantly as you seek Him!
    ~Jill~

    P.S. I love Belle and The Beast. Great Job! ; )

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  22. MY HAPPINESS
    Part 1 - Being single and happy

    "I have everything it takes to be happy! "

    Try to persuade them that we should be happy because it has everything it takes to be what is sometimes self-deception? I also asked, as a single woman and happy, why so many people wonder and talk about me ...

    Inherited the happiness of others
    The only thing it shows is that I was listening to the other and the outside world than myself. But I realized that no one can be happy in my place, I myself only the keys to my own happiness, and the JTF has a very large part, because God fills many empty in me!

    So why I persisted in all the time refer to models outside happiness?
    First, I wondered:
    I'm sure these models which I referred are really happy? What could I try this? Just the perception I had of them!
    Yet there is more to prove being an international star, for example, does not necessarily make it happy so many people like to have their fame and money. (LOL!) However, there are more suicides among the wealthy world famous stars!

    Therefore, is that those who seem happy are your eyes because they have "what it takes to be"? Is not it the opposite? Is what they did not get everything they have simply because they managed to be happy, and that this state of happiness which allowed them to get what they naturally wanted? It may be worth it to ask the question, no?!

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  23. PART 2 - Intropection

    I REALLY ENJOY YOUR INTROSPECTION Matthew !
    Let me give you mine:
    My introspection, I came to the conclusion that the concept of life lead was imbued with the vision that I had inherited from my family history. The past is steeped in my childhood, my education, my cultural and religious influences.
    But then the question to ask was:
    "What does being happy mean to me?
    Certainly not this seems to mean being happy to everyone (have a job, earn money, get a house, and so on of the best) no, but what does that mean FOR ME!

    MY HAPPINESS
    I know now that what society, my family, my acquaintances think it has enough little if I do not feel that sense of happiness and fulfillment in my heart.

    AIS-I NEED A PARTNER FOR MY HAPPINESS?
    I do not believe! ...

    So I have two choices *:

    OR * I accept the conditions of happiness set by others and society, saying that they are engraved in marble and then I'll NEVER access to happiness (and, perhaps, it does not work for me?)

    * EITHER I question what "society" has established as the default choice to define MY CONDITIONS happiness!

    The first choice is clearly the choice of ease! I choose to live my life by preferring "not to make too many waves" and do not take risks. I agree that if everyone believes it, it must be true (:?? Stupid LOL!) NO! it would mean that I love my "little comfort zone and I'm not ready to leave. "This is a solution that may be acceptable if it is chosen and not imposed. This is not my case therefore, it is necessary that I see things differently ...

    Here comes another question:
    What it lacks concrete ME staying alone ?...

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  24. PART 3 - Attitude 8 points and Conclusion

    Though I buy me the latest fashionable gadget (latest iPad, iPhone and other small adult toy ... LOL) happiness that these things give us is only temporary! The inevitable consequence is to want something else even better, more expensive, more fleeting ...
    What I really miss is the key to that door! KNOW ME, Me LISTEN TO ME GROW, face my fears, it's why he'll have to learn to do in order to open the door of happiness! Indeed, it is less easy than spend X dollars or euros for an object, but I could see that it is more profitable in the long run! ...


    I ADOPTED AN ATTITUDE 8 PERSONAL ITEMS:
    - TAMING THE SOLITUDE
    I've noticed that solitude is frightening. This is also why many spouses stay together despite the deterioration of their relationship.
    I enjoy my time alone to take time for me to cultivate artistic talent (painting), reading, watching a good movie (with Matthew Reese, for example ☺ Over time, it becomes a pleasure, and even better, need!
    - FEEL LIKE HOME:
    BEING ALONE AT HOME, it is essential to feel good. I HAD the opportunity as a single deciding MA Deco A to Z: colors, furniture, fabrics ...

    - HAVE CONFIDENCE
    the cliché of the "old nasty girl" is long gone for me! I have confidence in myself and in my potential seduction. difficult to please others so yourself, we denigrate! aware of my physical, intellectual and emotional value, I just learned to recognize and appreciate the love I bear your family and friends.
    I maintain my image, doing sports regularly to take care of ME.

    - OPEN TO OTHERS
    Live as a recluse, it's depressing! In order not mereplier about myself, I maintained my friendships proposed outputs, and even created a Thursday Club which exists for more than 5 years. This "social network" is important, the key to my emotional balance.

    - ENJOY THE PLEASURE OF LIFE
    ! It is not mandatory to be two to have fun. Can quite appreciate the beauty of a landscape and I like to use my Canon EOS (gift from my friends) to make and burn moments forever! And no need to be two to go to the cinema or to enjoy a good meal! I do not refuse the small pleasures of life under the pretext that I am're alone!

    - BE (SOME) EGOÏSTE
    I think to myself! What are my goals? Wish?
    Nobody will stop me from making an important decision, to change careers or even decide to move, for example;


    - NO LONGER SUFFER!
    I am told that it is unnecessary to adopt a bitter attitude and blame the whole earth, or rehashing old memories of my life two or jealous of the loving couples who "seem happy" that n 'is not constructive!
    I do not want to be a spectator of my life, but be the actress! And that's how you become a "STAR OF LIFE" (LOL!)

    - OVERCOMING SOCIAL PRESSURE
    The eternal reflection: "So when did you get married?"
    Difficult to support the compassionate glances, intrusive questions or remarks surprised at family meals.
    To them I say that I am happy as I am and as about 10 million French! Joli Club!
    This allows perspective. Finally, it is well known: it is better to be alone and full as unhappy couple, right?


    In conclusion:

    I have nothing against the lives of two, but it is a CHOICE to SOME TIME OF YOUR LIFE! And nothing in the world I dessaisirai me of my personality and its development pretext to do "like everyone else!"
    I learned to "decentralize" and to open up more to others. I do not trust appearances ... I see that all couples are not necessarily happy because they are not individually equipped to deal with an overload in their EGO, they have not anticipated the change in their life good way; They do not face their own agonize two, but rather individually and it makes me sad. I pray for them and to be always in harmony with myself, this is my AWAKENING and my LIBERATION !

    Long live freedom ! :D

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  25. What is love?
    Is it possible to fall in love with (I mean truly Love) and being loved in return by someone who is not equal to us, who’s “cut from a different cloth”? Or do we intuitively look for the same as we are? And is this a matter of our own choice?
    I agree with the thought that it is the best when couple is made of two individuals, who can share everything in live and also climb their own ladders (because I believe that in the end everyone would give an answer for himself and for the life he spent). But where is the distinction between mere respectful equitable partnership and blessed union of soul mates? I mean is “Love no matter what” just a popularized romantic myth?
    M

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