Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Road Trip... Grand Canyon

I had the last two weeks off, and just stayed home for most of it. During this last weekend, I went to the Grand Canyon. Very spontaneous road trip. I headed out on a drive and left Provo intending to "head out", but not knowing where... 11 hours later... I was standing on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. Just went alone, and stopped along the way at little shops, and lookout points...Lots of on my own time. Time to think and figure a few things out. There are things that happen in life, and you don't always know why. Hard to see through the darkness and uncertainty, and hard not to ask..."WHY"?
I guess not everything is supposed to make sense all the time. I guess thats what faith is... not being able to see everything, but trusting and believing. It was a good trip, and I took a stop on the way home in Lake Powell, where i stayed for a night, then came home...just in time for Mother's Day. Home to see my Mom, and siblings. Sometimes it's good to get away, and be alone with your thoughts. Refocus, recharge, and recenter a bit...then back to life,... pushing forward with renewed hope. The Grand Canyon, was a good place for me. Grateful for the trip!! Still very lost in some ways, but hopeful in others... :(


  1. I wish I had some profound advice to share with you about surviving, getting through, trusting... but I don’t. I’m still trying to find the answers myself. I envy the chance you had for some alone time. I long for another chance to escape, to step back and recenter. I feel as though I have been drowning in the current of life right now. I just want to drop everything and hit a reset button. To breathe and then take on the world again. Sometimes every step forward feels like a step backwards. Why this road block? Why this test? Another trial? Didn’t I just survive one? More often than not my prayers have been filled with “Why?” and “What do I do now?” and “Where do I go from here?” I decided to make a conscious effort to count my blessings, to look at all the good things I do have right now, and make my prayers full of gratitude and thanks instead of asking. It’s not easy saying a prayer of only thanksgiving.

    God knows what I need and He knows what is best for me. I need to just remember to have faith and trust in Him. Trust in His ability and not just His identity. “By faith.” That’s what everything really boils down to, “by faith.” Then in turn through your faith have hope. You know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You’ve heard them, talked to them, made covenants with them. Have hope. Pray for hope and it will lead to an expansion of faith. By exercising our faith we deepen our beliefs and strengthen our testimony which will then increase our hope. For “hope cometh of faith, [and] maketh an anchor to the souls of men.”

    On my wall I have a quote from President Monson that I try to read every day to refocus my million life’s questions: “In the search for our best selves, several questions will guide our thinking: Am I what I want to be? Am I closer to the Savior today than I was yesterday? Will I be closer yet tomorrow? Do I have the courage to change for the better?”

    Those really are the important questions and we find the answers... by faith. :)

  2. Thank you for the perspective Leilani... Wise words and well thought out, and well written. I especially like the quote from President Monson..

  3. I'm very flattered! :) Thank you... and you're welcome. :)

  4. I want to thank you also, Leilani. I know your words were for Matthew, but I needed them too.

    I'm in my forth year of recovery after an auto accident. I've become tired of the pain and have stopped pushing myself. I'm not a Mormon, I was raised in the Church of the Brethren, pacifist. Today I started reading a little bit about your religion.

    Your quote of President Monson reminded me to get back to praying. In the past, one of my forms of prayer was Kryia Yoga (Self-Realization Fellowship), it brought me closer to God.

    "I draw prayer round me like a dark protective wall, withdraw inside it as one might into a convent cell and then step outside again, calmer and stronger and more collected again."

    Etty Hillesum
    An Interrupted Life

    Again thanks.

    I wish you both the Best and have fun on your journey.

  5. desertpalm, I'm touched that you found solace and encouragement from my words.

    I personally haven't had a physical recovery to deal with, but I know where you are coming from. My Dad is recovering from cancer and it is a long, slow process. He too is tired of the constant pain, but he is having trouble still adapting to his reduced stamina. It frustrates him.

    His beliefs (and my Mom) have given him the greatest support system he could ask for. I encourage you to check out as you read about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It will be the best jumping off point you could find on the internet.

    I'm glad that President Monson's words reminded you of the need for prayer. I don't know how I would get through the day without praying. I always have a prayer in my heart and knowing that God is listening is a great strength to me. God loves you and wants to communicate with you. Sincere prayer is how we communicate with Him and He will always hear and answer us. Speak from your heart. Meditate, contemplate, and listen for the still, small voice as it whispers to your heart and mind.

    The form of prayer you shared is a beautiful illustration of how prayer can refocus and strengthen a person. Thank you for sharing.

    I pray that you find what you are looking for. Take care and have a safe fun journey. :)

  6. Okay, why have I never thought to take a road trip alone? I've learned that I have to schedule "on my own" time into my life. It really is good, as you said, to refocus, recharge, and recenter. I'm going to schedule some of that alone time in my car!

    I think it's significant that after you returned from your trip you went to spend time with your family. It's what we do, isn't it? Find comfort in the people we love. Even though many times we have to search for answers and understanding on our own, there's comfort in knowing we're not alone. I've always thought it merciful that God doesn't intend us to do everything on our own--- we have the love and help of our families, our friends, and most importantly, His love and help.

    At the end of your post you said that (at the time you wrote it) you still felt very lost in some ways, but hopeful in others. Hang onto the hope. Sometimes all of us just have to keep moving forward with hope when it's hard to see through the darkness and uncertainty until we can see light again. Hold on, the light will come.



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