Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Point of no return?

I believe that people change, and are almost even a new person every 4-5 years.  Life's experiences and people that come in and out of our lives, have an impact on us,.. and we evolve and change as we go.  Is there a point, where things have shifted so much, that things will never be the same between two people? 
I truly invite your comments!


  1. "Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven't loved enough." ( The Forty Rules of Love)
    Every relationship has its end. If not end - stages. We change, yes, and hopefully get more mature after a separation. It is not a tragedy. Shouldn't be! We need to learn to let go. It is a bit selfish not to.
    If a relationship is not going the way it pleases us, instead of insisting on keeping it going, we ought to forsake. Being able to let go, at times, is the most beautiful of all!
    Since we have become " new people" ( I think the calculation is right- "every 4-5 years" :) ) we must seek for a new relationship.
    And yes! There is a point of no return! It has always been like that. We cannot repeat: the moment, the feeling, the passion, the time...
    Even if we get back to a former partner, it will never be the same. We have been transformed. Every end is the beginning of something new. That's the most exciting in life:)
    Thank YOU for making me WANT to comment:)

  2. The simple and short answer is yes.
    We change due to circumstances, experiences, and maturity. The trick is finding someone who is adaptable, understanding, and patient enough to see us through those changes. Who wants to be the person they were 4-5 years ago? In some ways I am the same and in other ways I am not. My interests have changed a bit but I am still passionate, kind, and a touch of wacky/silly.
    Now, when someone changes what they want out of life it’s an entirely different beast. I happen to think that on some level that they wanted those things to begin with but they were afraid to ask for or vocalize it. Honestly, I struggle with the thought that we should be with the same person for the rest of our lives. I don’t know which side of the fence I sit with that train of thought. I guess that’s my Gemini personality. I can go either way with things. If I meet someone that I end up spending the rest of my life with, great. If not that’s fine, it doesn’t change my goals or dreams.
    The real questions are: Are you focusing on your differences to the point that you are blinded to your similarities? Has the qualities that first attracted you to this person changed? Has this person changed YOU in a negative way? Are these changes causing the quality of the relationship to suffer?
    I take it that “loving them into the shift you wish to see” didn’t work the way you had hoped.

    “Relationships don’t last because of the good times; they last because the hard times were handled with love and care.”
    “if you kiss her mind, her body will follow.” Ok, so that quote is unrelated to your topic but it’s my personal favorite.
    “We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours.”

    Things will work out the way that they are supposed to. It’s important to part ways before it comes to a point that you can’t remain friends.

  3. PART 1/2
    Matthew, thank you for allowing us to to react to this very interesting question, which result of a sensoriality that I particularly like about you and touches me every time I read your blog !
    I greatly enjoyed the Characterology part in my training and I think wise to consider the change in the relationship between two persons through the development of the personality.

    Before starting to talk about relationship, it's necessary to remember that, AT THE INDIVIDUAL LEVEL, THE PERSONALITY CHANGES over time, of course ! Personality is the result of the interaction of five fundamental elements : Intelligence, Sensitivity, Character Structure, Background and Morphology. The interaction between these five components determines the personality dynamics and so, the behavior of each individual. Over a lifetime, these elements go through some changes that are going to influence the personality evolution in one way or other.
    They are linked to emotional experiences. You have to know that emotional events experienced in the first part of life (childhood and adolescence) are always felt with more intensity and mark permanently a person. The real-life experiences at this time can cause moments of immense joys or of frustrations during the entire life.

    A long-lasting relationship may experience changes, whether with friends, colleagues, or in a couple. In relationship, there are three stages :

    We tend (and it’s normal) to be blinkered and really see only the qualities of the significant other. In fact, we project the sought-after ideal onto him/her, and we believe that all problems can disappear thanks to him/her. At this stage, all differences are underestimated or even totally denied.

    All is a bed of roses, all is beautiful. But only for a time. And the shock of reality prevails. After a more or less long period, disappointments can appear. We THINK then "he/she has changed !".
    But in fact our self-awareness comes more strongly and with the disappointments, we mourn the image, the fantasy, the dream of the perfect companion. We have to face facts : the significant other isn’t so perfect, he/she just doesn’t fill all my expectations.
    At this crucial stage, the risk is considerable to throw that wrong image at your partner. We are tempted so to hold back our feelings and give only appearance. From then on, we can even blame ourselves for having trust too much the other, be afraid of having laid bare some of our weaknesses while the relationship isn’t what we expected at 100%

    A real relationship sets up if the two protagonists decide together to confront their differences, go on all the way rather than flee each the separate ways. This relationship becomes then a matter of decision and goodwill ! And from that moment on, it’s beyond moods and emotions, unstable by nature. Unconsciously we think "I lost my illusions, but I choose to continue with him/her and try to build something new".
    We "cohabite" mentally, we are able to start a new story on different bases when what it’s not right for the two of you demand to reinvente everyday life. "
    The ability to last in this relation depends on the ability to rebuild regularly something new !
    (WE KNOW THAT ! It's not the more important to know !! ;-) )

  4. PART 2/2
    We would like to have in front of us the real gem that meets our expectations. But will we be enough aware to recognize we don’t always take in consideration the fact that the other can suffer from our excessive wait ?
    But how to REALLY rebuild something new ?
    The RIGHT question is : *** AND GOD IN ALL THIS ? ***

    For me, I like to see all this from a spiritual point of view. Indeed, in the relationship, the worst thing would be for me not to take into account our spirituality, and I think sometimes it's all down the drain, I reached that damn POINT OF NO RETURN ! This wouldn’t be a right christian vision of things !...
    In this fundamentally hostile world where salvation will only come by Jesus Christ’s second arrival, as described in the Holy Bible (2 Timothy 3: 1-5), how doesn’t be deeply disappointed to have only someone so common, normal, so very far away from our fantasies? What are we doing to relieve these feelings of discomfort and our frustration ?
    Through the evolution of our personality, we need to face a reality we have difficult to admit sometimes : the other one is not there just to give us all the attention we need exclusively at any time, he/she’s not the "superman/superwoman" we seek to support us ; and indeed, he/she’s not because only God, Christ and the Holy Spirit can bring us the support and answers we need at some moments of our life.

    This is a little example to illustrate my talk : Two friends who know each other since their schooldays. They have close age, same background (social, religious...), and share commun interests and values. A strong ties as strong as the ties of a couple. But at some point, changes in personality and maturity of each other made they wanted to impose their desires on the other, and disagreements were more frequent as time went along. Each hoped to become the leader of the duo and submit the other... They ended up considering themselves too different from what they were at the beginning of their relationship. The separation was not far...

    What can continue to set a long-last relationship is spirituality, the intimacy that everyone can have with his Creator in order to be in the right place whatever the issue of the position in front of the other or external changes in this world are. Because, in purest and strongest relationships, the one we have with God, the significant other can only step in a sphere inferior to that spirituality.
    The other has changed ?... evolved ?... Whatever...
    If we position ourselves mentally above this, the POINT NON-RETURN won’t exist. We want to experience together the joy and depth of the true love of God !
    Finally, the point is not winning in the relationship faced with the change but growing internally in spirituality to evolve and shine in our deepest self. This is what the LOVE OF GOD can bring us, Matthew ;-)
    AMEN. Thank you for your reading ! God bless you !!

    WE LOVE YOU SOOOO, Matthew ! (***Don't change !!***)



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