'Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have"...
That was a quote I heard a few months ago, and it has stuck with me. It's interesting as we hear things that we need to hear, they resonate because of where we are in our lives at the time. I was going through some things and was reminded that we all love in our own ways, with our own flare and flavor. Due to so many things in our past...experiences, how those who raised us showed (or didn't show) us love, movies that we watch, songs that we listen to, and relationships that we've had. How can all of those completely different backgrounds and paths we've all walked, produce the same perception of what Love is, and what Love is not? It's impossible!! ...and then there' Hollywood's version of what love is and is not. Doesn't it change depending on what movie we are watching?
You see all these quotes that come though social media posted by those around us... "To love someone fully, is to 100% accept them, imperfections and all!"...we hear that, nod our heads and agree, and some even "LIKE" the comment, but then return to our own relationships with a bag of complaints, and have a problem with the way someone loves (or doesn't) us.
If a person is complaining and fighting me all day about what I'm not doing or not being.., and I rarely (if ever) hear what is wonderful about me, or thanked for that which I am... NOBODY wants to be around that! Consequently, I (personally) tend to not want to give at all, and I (personally) tend to withdraw and therefore give less and less;.. or I tend to give resentfully, because that which is being given, isn't received in the space of gratitude, and "never enough".
When do couples cross that destructive point where they go from..."thank you for _____"! to "why haven't, or didn't, you _____"? That point that a couple crosses where it's no longer ok to love a certain way, but it turns into "...you are not meeting my needs, so love me the way I want to be loved." The destructive bridge that I'm referencing is when the light of gratitude goes away, and the world of expectation enters... "Thank you for calling"... to "Why haven't you called"?
Remember... "That which receives energy grows!"
Once you focus on what it is NOT, instead of what it IS... THAT is the beginning of the end!
Of course there's nothing wrong with wanting to better your relationship, and discuss what improvements could be made...but it MUST be done in the right way. Try beginning those discussions with gratitude. Thankful hearts for what the other IS, and then discuss what improvements could be made. This requires a level head and a conscious effort to not react, but to graciously discuss ways to take your relationship to new heights. Knowing that I (personally) am loved for that which I AM, makes me want to be and give so much more!
If you love someone...don't try to change them!!.. Love and accept them for who they are, what they want, and the way they love you. Be grateful! They should show you the same in return! ... yet if you want to see change in your relationship (there is a difference between trying to change someone and trying to change your relationship with them) ... LOVE them into the shift you wish to see! DON'T try to fight them into that shift... You will only be met with resistance.
We all love in different ways...and just because it's different than they way you do things, doesn't mean it's wrong, it means it's just different...and THAT"S OK!
I invite your thoughts...