Monday, March 28, 2016

Do you think people actually love the way this song professes?

Rachel Platten - Stand By You


  1. Matthew,

    I thank you for sharing such a beautiful song. :)
    I find it very beautiful and I am not surprised that she could call you ... Oh Matthew, your sensitivity must be behind this ? ... I'm just guessing, that's true, but if this is the case, it's so touching !

    Besides, your question is very interesting and is humble, because many do not dare can seek advice to others, and think it is a personal matter and they are wise enough to see things the best angle that is; gold I think that in terms of human psychology and experiences, trade is still profitable.

    I was personally moved by several words of this song, especially when referring to "scars" or "empty", but also when writing "if your wings are broken, so please take mine yours can open too "or" Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through. "

    Not only these words are filled with hope, but also reflect a profound empathy that we can not remain indifferent.

    Matthew, in your question: "Do you think people Actually love the way this song professed? "Two words challenge me:" Actually "and" the way "because it is true that attitudes and interests of people sometimes change radically, and by extension, how they lead their lives.
    In my consulting business, since I Graphologue Authorised and Psycho-Caractérologue, I happened to personality analysis for couples or couples future (this is an analysis of each of the writings of both spouses or future spouses) so they have a vision of their potential and make them more aware of their strengths, their weaknesses, but above all the differences between them, and which resound on the values to which they were attached.
    This kind of analysis, called in my profession "compatibility analysis" makes sense when you realize the degree of importance of a union, especially if one is a believer and that we consider this union as eternal as founded on the basis of faith.

  2. LOVE: Beware the fall ! ;-)

    In psychology, it is generally recognized the theory that the same mechanism is still at work in the relationship; Didier Lauru, French psychoanalyst explains that "It is in the relationship with the mother found the matrix of love which then will favor" ... There certainly is truth, since we associate as human being, admittedly, the desire to be physically close, sharing and complicity, we first with our mother when we are children.

    But as an adult, it is clear that love comes in a variety of shades: fusion - because, dependence - independence, hatred since the idealization of the other leads to low self-esteem.

    The phrase "falling in love" is so realistic, because often we are positioning ourselves at the feet of each other by putting it on a pedestal, by finding all the qualities that we do not have.

    Even at present where cultivate his EGO no point is strongly encouraged, even individuals with strong consciousness of themselves are affected by the fall we all feel at one time or another in our lives, which Besides, I'm getting there, maybe, like your song "Slow motion crash," Matthew a dangerous fall, we alone are responsible ... that is why our EGO may have difficulty s' recover.

  3. The SHADES of love are three in number.

    Love PASSION or EROS :

    When the physical desire is insatiable, when our heart is racing and the most slightest separation becomes very painful, as our own that we believe are solid rushed, we lose a little, and it is the serene state that we contrôlions initially becomes desire for exaltation.

    This fact occurs when we believe that the new partner will enable us to live more intensely. The other suddenly becomes the support of our desires and even our fantasies of our passions that we dream of sharing with another half fusion of ourselves ... In short we sometimes become out of step with our own because we have more we tend to "project" on the other (in the psychological sense, of course ... although the physical side experience is probably more xxxxx. well, finally ... .lol !!)

    But remain realistic, because as I mentioned above, the company encourages us "because we are worth much" to focus us on ourselves, so that some are more selfies that photos of their family, do not want NOTHING IS refuse and grow navel gazing to the extreme.

    So, to answer your question Matthew, I think this kind of person will probably be more difficult to adhere to the words of the song you quoted.

    I would add that in this type of love, the reality of the other always end up imposing our eyes and fall may be hard to cash ; choosing which then gives us ACCEPT that this state of worship is finished and if we want to continue with that person, we must change the type of relationship. However, having seen many couples do not fit in a relationship that at first seemed to burn with a thousand lights, it seems that the more EROS relationship is strong at the start and the suffering is also, and even seems to some irreversible.
    If one has faith and the strong union is envisaged, it is not this type of relationship that we will favor, but a love that gives unconditionally to the other, for each other and nothing in return, so without our EGO is also heavily involved, but still blossomed just through what we give of ourselves ... it is agape love.

  4. LOVE "AGÂPE" love or friendship ... love ALWAYS :

    This love is associated with intuition, that we have everything to gain share, we give to another, because we believe it deserves more attention than ourselves ... as if we wanted to help, to love, to better understand the needs of those with whom we feel good, with which communication is very strong, but without the relationship takes the form of dizzying descent as in love Eros.

    This form of love that inspires friendship, which helps to extend a relationship by inertia feelings, exchange accomplices accumulated time. This is not the need to seduce who wins in this kind of relationship, but rather a desire to move to another more contemplative, admiring the same difference and not what our hold me to project in the form Eros .

    As if we were trying to tame each other and not to idealize for a time, so it is a more lasting relationship that is offered to us, but as if love-agape took the initiative of relationship because it is the same for sharing lived in friendship, where respect is not necessary, it deserves and is cultivated.

    But again, I do not think that everyone in our society are ready to deliver and share as long ... Long live the "disposable" some say ... But if that is valid on the material plane, and yet certainly not for all , the sentimental, abandonment leaves scars in the heart much more difficult to cure than those which mark our bodies.

    Again, those who have no faith, will, for example, a distorted view of agape love for Jonathan had David, seeing where perversion ... is pathetic because it s' that was basically a very strong loyal and unconditional friendship for both men! (1 Samuel 18: 1 > "David had finished speaking to Saul And therefore the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

  5. Love "PHILIA" ... deeply rooted.

    This form of love is more "mature" and not addictive, but a strong attachment, based as our personal values, family, our history, which is the reference point, and suppose that we want to share with one who has acquired a certain virtue, which has demonstrated that it can share with us the way without wanting to change us.

    Philia love therefore accepts differences in the relationship, and positions the origin, through our ethical life. But the acquisition of a virtue is not done in a day or in a year, and this presupposes that the relationship is footprint of patience and kindness.

    Love "philia," this is not an easy camaraderie. A friend is not a friend because it makes me feel good (because it makes me laugh, because it gives me good advice, because it opens doors for me, because one sharing good times, because it would be selfish to see it that way.

    The commitment found in love "philia" is expected to occur in exceptional circumstances, and even between opposing combatants, as a solemn agreement that urges us to consider what we are fairly close or equal to ourselves.
    One might think that this kind of love is more widespread in our time, but the mentality currently observed in certain movements, whether religious, political, or from social networks, propels us away from this form of love between Humans, mutual esteem.

    One might think that this kind of love is more widespread in our time, but the mentality currently observed in certain movements, whether religious, political, or from social networks, propels us away from this form of love between Humans, mutual esteem.
    For example, I think that virtual relationships lived on social networks sometimes remain relatively superficial; since put a "like" is not taking the time to answer, for example, it does not look initiate a little more authentic relationship, so do not want to do good to another, for and him only because we think it will do us good.

    Indeed, today's relationships are often reports of "surface" ... We can actually now have a large number of "friends" on social networks, feel loneliness and strongly away from love "Philia"! A well paradoxical system !!

    It is unlikely that people who have fallen into this superficiality, adhere to the words of the song "Stand by you" if they let themselves be shaped by the system.
    When they claim to be "friends", this is relative, because basically, few of them prove it by deeds!

    In this aspect, we're far from that love has nothing to gain and everything to give as wants to show the song you shared Matthew.


    I've realized observing couples in the early days everyone is convinced that the other is able to accept all of it or worse, understand everything, and that any changes to his side that can not occur in the right meaning, that is to say, actually one in the direction of one each spouse owns and expects another in return.

    This idea is so strong that some (but this is not the case for everybody fortunately) believe that behaviors that appear initially as a little disturbing, are expected to disappear spontaneously under the beneficial effect of love ; nothing seems to be able to break this perfect harmony !

    We can believe it, but probably only to the extent that both are ready to strengthen the initial image of the other, to integrate quickly in the functioning of the couple.
    I think it also requires that each spouse has the desire to personally grow in wisdom, in order to be able to support each other when needed.


    I like the quote from Benoit LACROIX :
    "Love is like a tree: its roots must be deep and strong to stand up to the wind. "
    (In "We, the old")

    Is it realistic to think that some people can appropriate the meaning and values of this song ?
    I think so !

    Love is built, like happiness, and we are all different, animated by a unique and able sensitivity choose whether or not we want to adhere to the values delivered by this song.

    A key strength is to be realistic with respect to the situation and not to expect more of it than is necessary, and to know yourself ! (Graphology, or handwriting analysis reveals our conscious and our unconscious from which we plan writing; it is very interesting to use them to get to know yourself or find the person with whom we wish to share our life)

    All in all, our emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by others, to know the love that makes both of reason and of the will, and not a dominant instinct by our hormones.
    We can assume that a person who failed to love as a child certainly experience a greater need for affection. But some have different emotional resources, and sometimes surprising, unexpected because the part of the entourage, as hypersensitive for example, that 70% are introverts.

    Their ability to empathize their sixth sense in relations fully predisposes to deep and lasting exchanges.

    I mentioned earlier the failure to settle for superficiality, and I think that in a genuine relationship acts are evidence of the depth of feeling.
    When I say action, I speak of evidence of selfless love and ported to another, but without these attentions are necessarily expensive or extraordinarily sophisticated.
    No, I believe in simplicity as a mark of authenticity, and the actions can also be:

    * Words of affirmation : The Words prove rewarding from the one who gives it focuses on the positive of his partner;

    * Quality time : listening, seeing the other is tired and empathize, to the maximum so that the other feels good and does not fall into a routine that would ultimately deter companion;

    * Small gifts : this is not the value that counts in gift, but the feelings that the other desired share. The gift of self and the presence alongside the other is already a gift.

    * Services provided : participate with her husband in small jobs closer and to discover at the other abilities that may be unknown;

    * A physical attentions: show his love through contact seems to me essential and body language is sometimes higher than many words.

    In short, all this is nothing special and is accessible to all !


    I think a couple who share a strong witness may have the capacity to apply what the song says that you shared Matthew.

    When we look at God's Word, the Bible, we find that the recipe for happiness of the couple and example that we can all give in relationships is summarized in a few lines :

    Romans 12: 11-13
    "Be zealous, not laziness. Be fervent in spirit. Serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in affliction. Persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints. Practice hospitality. "

    and in 1 Corinthians 10: 24
    "What everyone does not seek its own, but that of the other."
    The couple that lives by faith seems to have two very specific important tasks:

    Convey his faith in God

    The family will always be the privileged place of transmission of the Gospel by word and witness. The testimony of each spouse who lives his faith is vividly, cheerful, attentive to others, I think it's essential!
    Read and discuss the word of God by considering the practical application in the couple's life is, in my humble opinion, also paramount.

    Because actions are more important than the words and witness of caring for others, forgiveness, listening, assistance to one or the other, generosity, openness of mind, are key evidence that demonstrate a commitment to spiritual values. Yes, I think that faith is transmitted less by phrases or obligations that seem boring than life testimonies.

    Convey his faith in the enduring love of a man and a woman
    At a time when couples form and dissolve so easily, it is legitimate to ask questions or to doubt the sincerity of certain words. Indeed, many say today: "Why bother to marry if one must divorce five years later? While others are asking, "Can you really love a lifetime ? "

    The answer is I believe in the values that our family had faith transmitted to us.

    If, when we were children, we saw followed disputes pardons, parents help each other with chores, respect each other, kissing, desire, be happy together, invent new projects even taking the age, laugh together, hear and say often demonstrate with little touches they loved each other, we understood without the need for many words, that enduring love can exist, if faith remains a guide in all the days of our existence:

    Proverbs 1: 1-5
    " The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel :
    for Gaining wisdom and instruction;
    for understanding words of insight;
    for receiving send instruction in prudent behavior doing what is right and just and fair ; caution for Giving to Those Who are simple, knowledge and discretion to the young; let the wise listen and add to Their learning, and let the discerning get guidance."


    My conclusion is that love is an emotion that initially does not necessarily needs to be understood, but simply felt.

    I think love is to progressively better and better shared if each partner has the intimate desire to give more than to receive.

    Fort to observation, it is worth pausing a moment and practice introspection, to examine our conscience sincerely reflect on what could possibly hinder the progress of our affection to the one we love.
    For example, our past mistakes, so that our wounds, may hinder our way to the knowledge of the other, and from personal experience, I know that may affect our judgment, as always, and despite ourselves we Let us gauge, assess, according to our own personal tendencies that we unconsciously project onto the partner.

    Focus on the hope that can carry our present and our future, remains a good way of letting go.
    Clear his conscience when the weight of the past remains prégnant is probably the strength to abandon our fears (let go), but I know it's often easier said than done or writing ;-)

    Thus, we will be able to anticipate, build our happiness, and look with hope a life based on what we now build two.

    And if faith is part of that relationship, then I think nothing will prevent the hope of supporting the most wonderful business, two to life with the best mentor : God ! (2 + God = 3); I like the image of the TRIPLE ROPE who breaks ("triple rope Does not break" (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
    I think the values guide the choices and when people do not have a deep faith, choose to first serve their own interests at the expense of the others.

    That's my honest and personal feelings about Matthew question. :)

    God bless you !

  10. Do you actually mean whether people CAN love like that? Of course they can.
    When it is a true, deep feeling there is nothing more essential than to give and sacrifice all you have to the one you love. Though the other day I have met an article in which an author says that when one is claiming that he has sacrificed something to someone he loves, he in this way humiliates the very essence of Love. Really, when a parent sacrifices something for his child, he does this not because he just wants to be a good parent, but because he esteems his child’s life higher than his own. Is not it natural?
    So, why do you think two foreigners can’t meet, recognize soulmate and fall in love with each other? And be ready to share all the troubles, to encourage and nourish, to brighten their lives? I think it is indeed a rare gift, but it’s not a myth.
    But the other question is whether we can accept such sacrifice? Whether we can allow the one we love more than ourselves follow to hell with us? Or it would be better just to leave? I am asking because I have recently encountered a song “Hate me” by Blue October, and it made me think much about blocking our own feelings, refusing from love and leaving for one’s sake.
    Seems that there are more questions than answers at all the times.
    P.s. if you will, search for an acoustic version of that song, it’s stronger and sounds much more pure.

  11. How many loves can people have in their lives? We all have heard about the first love which means at least the second one coming at a later time.
    Is the first love just a matter of lack of experience, inability to cope with strong feelings, young emotions?
    With the maximalism natural to me, I have always thought that I would be able to fall in love only once, because I have always believed that the True love is absolutely special and could never happen again. But how can I be sure in my feelings, may I not be mistaken? There are so many doubts and uncertainties!
    I would be very grateful for your thoughts and advice!

  12. Rarely. But one can keep hoping, n'est-ce pas?



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