Monday, February 15, 2016

Risking "The Stay"

The thought of taking an exit to escape enters my mind from time to time.  The whole hearted and the vulnerable don't take those exits or escape routes.  The wholehearted stay and stare vulnerabilities in the face!  They might get hurt.  They might end up embarrassed or rejected...but they stay nonetheless!  Easy to hide to protect!..but oh how that becomes a habit which results is remaining alone.  

"Your prison is walking through this world all alone."  
Desperado ...The Eagles

Stay!  Be vulnerable! ... if others meet you there in that vulnerable space... Connection, appreciation, respect, trust, and love could be yours'. 


  1. Matthew,

    First, thank you for sharing with us, again the depth of your thoughts; since I know your blog, I never cease to be affected by your introspection, your sensitivity.
    I was particularly moved by your latest writings. Your faithful readers, including me, probably will never really realize the depth, unless one of your close friends.
    I do not know you enough to share deeply with you, and I regret it very much, but I wished, however, give you my feelings, a part of myself, modest but sincere in the rough.
    However, know that I'm doing it, without power, deliver completely my "script" inside, modesty, and I apologize because this can make it seem a bit superficial writings ... I hope you will forgive me not.
    Although we did not know the real reasons that sometimes cause us to exchange thought this or that, I am still impressed personally, for your wisdom and open-mindedness.

  2. You wrote :
    "The wholehearted stay and stare vulnerabilities in the face! They might get hurt. They might end up embarrassed or rejected ... but nonetheless They stay !"

    So many memories resurface me when I read this !
    In these words the looming specter of another I, an experience of feeling, and this frightening that I still do not know the full extent that certain injuries may still have in my life.
    Yet even when empty of feelings, loneliness resurface years after certain events, should we conclude that we should have the choice to protect, hide behind some leakage, because as you wrote too : is "Easy to hide to protect !... but oh how that Becomes a habit qui results is remaining alone."

    What is it better ?

    In some relational situations, be it in the professional or private, I have repeatedly made decisions that seemed to people close to me, a little staggered, just sometimes, because my choices were not only oriented according to my desires, but because I considered systematically the needs of those I love and it was especially difficult to me to respond more selfishly.
    Their reaction seemed rude because I was at that time naive idealist (and I'm being even, LOL!); I thought because they were close to me, people understood my mindset, they would encourage my choice, which was almost never the case.

    So the crucial question that appeared in my thought, was suddenly:
    "Would it be better to pretend or like everyone to be better considered at risk of not being happy? "
    Now looking back, I say clearly: NO!
    However, I expliciterai my refusal then the facts is catching up fast when you consider that happiness can only exist if we share. Therefore, a rather cruel dilemma exists, since your decision is opposed to what others expect of you.

    So the crucial question that appears to my mind, was suddenly:
    "Would it be better to pretend or like everyone to be better considered at risk of not being happy? "
    Now looking back, I say clearly: NO!
    However, (and I expliciterai my refusal then) the facts is catching up fast when you consider that happiness can only exist if we share. Therefore a cruel dilemma exists, since your decision is opposed to what others expect of you.
    I strayed from thinking that I could spare compromise situations, feelings, attitude ... But such a decision, gave me the feeling of living even more out of step, this time not only with respect to other, but against myself also, and that's worse!
    Finally, I decided that I had to begin to seek happiness in myself, even living in single time it would take for me to "find" myself live my emotional independence.
    Does this mean that it meant I felt again "on the same track" my intimate relationships? Not really, because although finding happiness in itself is a worthy goal, when sometimes, despite advice to the contrary, we take the decision to keep moving in the direction we have decided to follow this causes the wary look of other.
    Maybe there are paths that we must borrow only in life, because everyone has to learn to laugh, to cry, to hope ... to continue only in certain cases?
    I have already requested in some situations why the things I feared, happened to me, and not to the other, if that were not my own conscious or unconscious process that generated the situations I wanted to avoid yet?
    Everyone must wake up one day or another, have I said and that is precisely, I think because we do not see that what happens to us just something inside of ourselves that we can miss a fundamental part of our personal development because we do not know at this point, even our uniqueness, and in this regard, the assertion that we must have towards those who are different from us; this, in order to achieve full consciousness, without which we would be tossed by a particular strong personality at the expense of our inner growth.

    From the moment we decide to make a choice, and we have the courage, even if we are wrong, to assume our responsibilities and actions, it seems that others should not prejudge our mobile, criticize the path we take, because our values (our anchors) are not the same as theirs.
    Accept that you can not please everyone, it is expected to be rejected by some, but it can also, more positively, be ready to welcome those we did not expect, we do not know and suddenly send us another image, sometimes more positive than that of our closest friends; these friends may be, are simply confused because they do not yet know all of us and certainly never will know it, so we need to forgive, leaving the door open to their inner realities because "iron s 'sharpens iron, "so we can all learn from each other, though.


    Far too many people, while their situation, financial, family and work is relatively comfortable, see in their lives, only that the problems around them and take pleasure to talk during a coffee break, as if that could their give a sense of satisfaction because they evoke the while they are, in their eyes, hardly conceivable at their level; it seems to me reductive because, as says Ecclesiastes in the Bible "time and events befall them all" (Ecclesiastes 9: 11)

    Heroes do not have problems, yet most heroes are alone and in movies, books, always have success in everything they do, otherwise we would not take them for heroes.
    Therefore some people like to think that the very people should behave as heroes in reality, knowing their problems and that someone should smart in this world, have no test capable of preventing d be happy in life.
    Yet there are people who are heroes of life, without knowing it, or because they nevertheless struggle against the disease and continue to care for others, stopping to see what happens to them as the one and only event worthy of interest ; these heroes of life, keep a share of happiness in them that they radiate when sometimes everything seems lost to them, perhaps because they have changed their outlook on things, beings around them and say the time left to them is too precious so they can be fixed only on their test. (I felt it in my caregiver experience with patients in palliative care).
    Be afraid to live with problems is human, and fortunately, because it forces us to be constantly developing beings ! ;-)

    We can not hope to continue to evolve our way without encountering resistance from those who do not really want to open their heart to others, therefore the difference, or simply accept with patience and humility the potential weakness of the other .
    This also implies, as you say, that if we "are facing," this does not guarantee, however, that other lasting adhere to our view, the priorities we set for ourselves, even if they include.
    Yet to be alone take a path does not mean that it is wrong, or that others will not react favorably.
    However, the only certainty we have, taking the risk of "cross this world alone" is that if we accept what we can not change, then we can probably grow hope that sublimated by the faith opens us a new dimension without ceasing, that attracts the pure minds and hearts !

  6. I agree with you when you also wrote :
    "if others meet you there ... fait que vulnerable space Connection, appreciation, respect, trust, and love could be yours'"; for indeed, the relationship to another is always a co-creation, and can give others the impetus to continue a long way with us, regardless of the obstacles we may encounter. If we consider the psychological aspect of the choice of vulnerability, this implies an element of humility, which provides the image of a more sensitive and intuitive dimension of existence.

    Jesus himself was alone, rejected by men. In John 16: 32 he said, "Behold, the hour is coming and has now come when you will be scattered, each to his own, and shall leave me alone; "We have throughout its history, the perfect example of courage, faith, perseverance, and be proof that a man may be vulnerable, and sometimes our human desire for omnipotence is thereby relativized ... If 'we understand this, then i want to hope that together everything is possible... ☺

    Thank you so much for sharing Matthew,
    God bless you and your family ! ☺

  7. When I face a choice I always remind myself that it is better to feel (whatever!) than do not feel at all. [It is not like I win every time, honestly in most cases I don’t, but I keep striving!] If you know how and dare to open your soul, the fear melts by its strength and eventually disappears! Then the way to other feelings is free.
    But there is no intention to grasp what is not mine! I’ll better be smitten with the beauty of a flower for a while, and then go away without cutting it, cherishing the memories.

  8. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.L



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