Sunday, October 17, 2010

Are we telling stories?

I am wrestling with something in my life right now...

Acknowledge what IS and Adjust if needed... As easy as that sounds, it seems too seldom be the common practice. Nope...instead, we quickly become authors and tell ourselves stories to solidify and validate our own position... Are these stories told from a logical and unbiased position? Quite doubtful that they are, since it's only natural to narrate a story from a "pro-self" position. Filled with validations, justifications, filters from one's own past, and most of all...filled with our own EGO. How hard do we all try, in the end, to tell ourselves that we are "right"? There are so many situations in which we tend to tell these stories. Maybe it's something someone did or said to you that caused you to feel unloved or even caused you pain? I was reading in a book called "A New Earth" (by Eckhart Tolle) about the word "grievance"... It's a strong negative emotion connected to an event in the past that is being kept alive by compulsive thinking. One strong grievance is enough to contaminate even your perception of other areas of your life, and (worse) keep you in the grips of YOUR OWN EGO! "The past (itself) has no power to stop you from being present now. Only YOUR grievance about the past can do that. And what is a grievance? The baggage of old thoughts and emotions"...

The inability or rather unwillingness of the human mind to let go of the past is beautifully illustrated in the story of two Zen monks, Tanzan and
Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains. Near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side.
The monks walked on in silence. Five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn't restrain himself any longer. “Why did you carry that girl across the road?” he asked. “We monks are not supposed to do things like that.”
“I put the girl down hours ago,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying
(Extracted from A New Earth... Eckhart Tolle)

Let it go! Stop carrying unneeded baggage...blaming and complaining..."poor me". "I was wronged in this way or that way". "I am/was right, and you are/were wrong". There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than "being right". Being right, therefore making someone or something else wrong. You need to make others wrong on order to get a stronger sense of who you are. Being "right", is placing you in a position of imagined moral superiority in relation to the person or situation being judged. It is in that sense of superiority that the ego loves to exist and thrive.

What's the solution..? Be more conscious of the ego. It lives only if we feed it and allow it to live. We must allow others to live,..even if it's in a different way than we would live. Forgive if you were wronged. Yet don't try to just "forgive"... It doesn't work! Forgiveness happens naturally when you see that 'not forgiving' is simply your egos' effort to live. Consciously become aware of your ego and what it feeds on, and forgiveness (therefore) happens. You no longer NEED to feel "right" or superior to others. We are all of the same worth in God's eyes. Allow others to live and learn and wish them hope and goodness. Sometimes things hurt, but how much more we continue to hurt ourselves ten fold.... by retelling the story called "I'm right, and you're wrong"...
End that story...! For the ego is the only author.


  1. Just watched Once Upon A Summer and was very impressed. It now is one of my favorite movies, up there with Charlie. I wished to sign in as a guest, however my email is too long to fit in the box...

    Keep up the amazing work and insightful and meaningful blogs.


  2. Wow, great quote. It's been 10 years, but I have finally allowed myself to let go of the hurt and baggage that accompanied the breakup of my family. I guess I'm a slow learner!

    I have just recently (we're talking March 2011) put the past behind me and begun to look with hope to the future, moving forward in faith and really letting myself wish my kids' dad well in his new life. For so long, I was doing this in word but not in my heart. Talk about hypocritical, eh?

    I'm blessed to be able to proclaim with confidence now that God has carried my family throughout the whole ordeal and continues to walk with me and my children -- and their dad -- as we all heal and grow and begin new lives in His will.

  3. Ouch! I very much needed to read this blog! Sometimes we carry our baggage so long that we don't even realize we still are. Thanks for reminding us that we HAVE to let go!

  4. Very insightful and an interesting perspective. But is forgiveness actually necessary? If everyone that you meet comes into your life to teach you something, then why would you need to forgive them? Did they not teach you something regardless of it being positive or negative?
    I recently had a conversation with one of my sisters. She was angry with our mother for not being the kind of mom who calls weekly to check up on you. She was never really a hugs and kisses kind of mother. My sister felt angry and guilty for feeling angry. She asked how it is that I deal with it. It’s simple, acceptance. I accept her for who she is, faults and all. I choose to focus on what she did do rather than did not do. She taught us to be independent, creative, loving, and strong. Accept your feelings because they are valid emotions. Feelings are temporary, they change from one minute to the next. Accept them for what they are and move on. If that fails, there is always my backup plan that helped me through my divorce. Buy a heavy bag and beat the crap out of it until you are too tired to be angry. If you feel like you aren’t strong enough just remember where you came from. She might not be all hugs and kisses but she is one very tough woman, and her mother....well grandma is in her 80’s and was angry at her doctor for not clearing her to go sky diving because of her pace maker.
    Two days later my other sister calls about my mother. This sister is angry because she feels that she is failing to be as good of a mother as ours is. At this point I am thinking that my sisters are bat crap crazy, which is what I tell this one. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to be like someone else. Find what makes you comfortable, be your own person. You will be happier for it and so will your kids.
    Why is it that we don’t accept others for who they are and not what we think they should be?
    Song choice for this comment: Coldplay Fix You.



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